I am obsessed with NBC’s The Voice. My week revolves around my anticipation for and then viewing of each weekly episode. I have a few thoughts.
I hate Raquel Castro. Let me count the ways.
1. She has midget arms. Raquel Castro holding the microphone reminds me of John McCain on the news.
2. She can’t sing.
3. She performed a Ke$ha song for a singing competition. Was this a joke? Ke$ha herself can’t sing, hence why she talks/shouts about glitter on all of her tracks. Terrible choice of “song.”
4. There’s just something about her nose… It’s a beak. Too bad she can’t sing like a bird. (I get it, I was stretching it with that joke).
Frenchie Davis stole the show. Her performance was flawless. Her pitch and notes were 100% on point. Her voice is strong, smooth, and precise. She rocked it. I can’t stop belting out “WHEN LOVE TAKES OVEEEEER—uhhYEAAAhheeeyeaaah!” every few minutes in the hallway/car/shower. I really need to learn the words so I can sound like less of an idiot.
Beverly McClellan also puts on a magnificent, entertaining performance, and again her singing is on point. She is never pitchy and never out of tune. Looks like the balds are really one-upping everyone this season.
Dia Frampton also makes me happy. What a cute little girl. I think I have a crush on her.
Performance-wise however, I have to give it to Frenchie last week. She got me going. Big love.
Adam Levine is a fox. I want to butter him up and put my tongue on his face. (If he asks anyone if I said that, I’m going to deny it. Unless he’s into it). Also, his team has the best singers on the whole. Blake Shelton is really nice and I like his personality, but he is terrible at song choices and pairing singers together. When everyone else is joining peanut butter with jelly, Shelton is up there pairing chocolate with ranch dressing. He just doesn’t quite get it.
Christina has been getting on my nerves. She is an attention hog, and a hog in general (she’s a porker). My love and appreciation for that powerhouse voice of hers just won’t quit though. I just generally dislike her personality and her butting-in on everyone else’s mic time. Cee Lo is a pleasant, fat black man. He needs to stop starting every critique with, “You know you’re one of my favorites,” though. Not everyone can be a favorite, Cee Lo. You’re watering down your impact every time you say that.
Adam is sexy.
I think I already said that.
I don’t wash my produce before I eat it. It’s a survival technique. I figure if I sample all the low-intensity germs and diseases floating around between the farms, factories, and supermarkets, then I’m giving my body a good workout in strengthening my immune system. You know, giving it small doses of poison to make it stronger. Sort of like how the flu shot works.
Actually I’m too lazy to wash my strawberries and carrots. The other idea sounded good too though.
Adam is hot.
Okay, time to peace out.
Dear sun, we’re already social outcasts. Can’t that be enough? Sincerely, sunburned gingers.