Things that I have zero interest in whatsoever.

29 Jul

1. Kate Gosselin and her 45 kids.

  • Things I care more about than Kate Gosselin or her offspring:
  • Britney Spears’ favorite condiment
  • Laura Bush’s Zodiac sign
  • Denmark
  • Cardboard

2. Kate Gosselin’s book.


3. Kate Gosselin’s hair extensions.

4. Football.

5. Lost. I have never seen, nor do I plan on seeing, a single episode of the television series Lost.

6. Terrel Owens and Chad Ocho Cinco’s teammate compatibility. Can they coexist? Does William Shatner like Honeynut Cheerios? I don’t care.

7. World of Warcraft.

8. Farmville.

9. Justin Beiber.

10. Being friends with anyone whose profile picture is of a truck.

  • Things I would rather befriend than “Ford 4×4” boy:
  • a grizzly bear
  • an empty shoebox
  • Heidi Pratt (maybe not)

11. Lindsay Lohan’s delinquency.


12. Having a child.

  • Examples of things I would rather do than have a child:
  • eat fire
  • walk on fire
  • be on fire

13. Hearing Ke$ha’s Your Love Is My Drug one more time.

14. Getting my nipples pierced. I’m no masochist.

15. Owning a cat.


16. Dancing With The Stars. I feel as though it’s time for the United States to declare war with someone else again when the most breaking news on NBC is the latest ligament injury on Dancing With The Stars.

17. Allowing Tyra Banks to live a day longer.

  • Things I would rather see living than Tyra Banks:
  • Joseph Stalin
  • a centipede the size of a subway train
  • a tyrannosaurus rex

18. Jersey Shore.

  • Things I would rather watch than Jersey Shore:
  • The Catholic Channel
  • 35 consecutive hours of educational television
  • a bowl of mashed potatoes

19. Meeting Flava Flav.

2o. Learning about any more of Tiger Woods’ mistresses.

  • Things I could do with my time that are more important than learning about Tiger Woods’ sex partners:
  • poop
  • snip split ends off of my hair one by one with scissors
  • sleep

21. Glee

22. Country music

  • Sounds that are easier on my ears than country tunes:
  • screaming infants
  • freight trains
  • Ke$ha

23. Brad Pitt’s beard

24. The Bachelor

25. Hugh Hefner’s sex life. I don’t want to know.

26. Running a marathon

  • Things I would do before participating in a run this long:
  • Adopt a child with autism
  • Eat a whole pineapple
  • Challenge Chuck Norris in a duel

———-

“You guys wanna see a dead body?”

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3 Responses to “Things that I have zero interest in whatsoever.”

  1. Carly July 31, 2010 at 7:12 pm #

    Now we would like to know what your interests ARE… Lol

  2. Richie Rich August 18, 2010 at 3:11 pm #

    The one thing I can disagree with you over, is that I would actually love to see a T-rex.

  3. Richie Rich August 18, 2010 at 3:12 pm #

    wtf is that picture by my name, a vagina monster? Do you pick these avatars?

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