Ramen wild.

27 Feb

I am officially sick. I feel like I have been sick too many times this year. Usually I get one stubborn cold that lasts for a few days plus one more serious ailment each year, and that’s it. I’ve already had the worst case of strep that anyone has ever seen PLUS multiple annoying colds. WHAT is the DEAL? Perhaps my body is rebelling against me for filling my diet with nothing but off-brand Cocoa Puffs, macaroni and cheese, Dr. Pepper, microwavable burritos, Golden Oreos, Velveeta, and Cadbury Creme Eggs. Who knows.

.

.

I’m a complainer. There aren’t a whole lot of funny things to say about being sick though, so it doesn’t make for great blogging material. I might actually erase everything I’ve written up to this point.

Eh.

.

.

I was jonesing for Maruchan Ramen today due to my shitty cold. I had flashbacks to my elementary years when I ate cherry Pop Tarts and oriental flavored Ramen for nearly every meal, and my craving returned from the darkness. Unlike most college kids, I actually did not eat even one single ounce of Ramen noodles whilst in university. An odd phenomena to skip, seeing as it costs just 18 cents per package. Nope, I thrived on Kraft mac and cheese, beer, Gumby’s pizza, Taco Bell, beer, Spaghettio’s, pasta, McDonald’s, and beer.

(I was fat.)

Anyway, I am spending my afternoon filling my body with soup and watching Arrested Development. I’m not too pissed about the situation, except that I can’t breathe through my nose and I sound like a man. I did purchase some DayQuil to help numb the discomfort. We’ll see how it works out. So far I’m still snotting all over the USA. I haven’t had Kleenexes nearby all day, so the left sleeve of my sweatshirt is getting pretty unsanitary if you know what I mean.

“Decorated scrotum.”

This was a search term used by someone out there in the world wide web recently that led them to my blog. How it led them to my blog, I will never know. Has Vagazzling spread out and touched the male population as a genital decorating fad? This is disturbing to me. There is no reason to put Swarovski crystals and sequins on a scrotum. Do not decorate your scrotum. Under no circumstance should you ever draw attention to the scrotum. It is a nauseating physical attachment to the male body that should be ignored at all costs as far as I’m concerned.

I find myself craving another bowl of Ramen. This has nothing to do with scrotums.

Well, talk to you later.

 

________________________________________________

B:   “Dan, does this dog look comfortable?”

D:   “Yeah, I mean….I can see his asshole.”

 

 

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2 Responses to “Ramen wild.”

  1. brennagrimes February 27, 2012 at 9:16 pm #

    Most hilarious thing I’ve read today: “Do not decorate your scrotum.” Thanks for that. Hope you feel better.

  2. The Kipster March 1, 2012 at 7:33 pm #

    Scrotums need to be decorated.

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