Burton AK Oven Mitts.
If you have worse circulation than a 90 year old woman, and your extremities are always on the verge of frostbite even when it’s a balmy spring day, you need Burton’s AK Oven Mitts. It’s like sticking your hands inside two toasty loaves of freshly baked bread, hot outta the oven. Filled with goose down with a leather palm, you’ve got totally waterproof, windproof, cozy warmth and insulation for those shredding days on the mountain where it’s colder than OJ Simpson’s heart.
The Westin Hotel’s Heavenly Bed.
Forget about counting sheep. If you haven’t slept in a Westin Hotel and experienced the Heavenly Bed yet, then you’ve never truly rested. Sleeping in one of these beds is like cuddling inside an angel food cake. It’s like drifting off inside a cumulus nimbus. There’s no comparison. Going to bed on anything else feels like a cardboard box afterward.
Aquafresh Extreme Clean Toothpaste.
I’m a bit of an obsessive freak when it comes to a clean kisser. I’m a serial brusher; I use and abuse my toothbrush, upwards to four times a day. Aquafresh Extreme Clean toothpaste is like a carwash for your mouth. It’s super foamy and crisp and leaves your mouth feeling really refreshed. People will be trying to make out with you for miles.
Cover Girl Volume Exact Mascara.
My eyelashes are below par. They’re thin, few, short, and albino-blonde on top of that. Eye makeup is the only thing that makes me presentable to the rest of the world and viable as a possible mate in the animal world. It’s serious. Therefore, I am a bigger critic of mascara than Ebert & Roper are of the cinema, and I have spent unreasonable amounts of money on tube after tube of mascaras in search for the right one. Cover Girl Volume Exact and I have been going steady for several years now. The teddy bear brush builds volume, length, and definition without clumping, and is easily buildable. Any time I get stupid and cheat on it with another brand “just to try it out,” I end up with a full tube wasted, and go back to my “old faithful” Covergirl.
Breckelle’s Outlaw Knee-High Riding Boots.
My obsession with boots cannot be restrained. After searching for a pair of Kadens from Target with no luck at all (they were literally sold out everywhere, even online) I scrubbed through dozens of websites online to find a similar pair of tan riding boots. I found this pair of Breckelle’s that look exactly the same, except the kickass zipper that goes all the way up the full back of the boot was brass, not red (I’m over it, although that would have been a nice zing). These boots were only $34.99. They’re not real leather, but I don’t think even a cow could tell the difference. To boot (pun intended), they’re super comfortable and have a reasonably grippy sole for walking in the snow. Good buy!
Land-o-Lakes Chocolate Graham hot chocolate:
Meet your newest cold weather addiction. The elixir of life has been packaged neatly in little foil pouches, and it’s Chocolate Graham hot cocoa. Swiss Miss can peace out. This cocoa will make your taste buds weep with joy. It’s like having two S’mores have sex in your mouth. The marriage of graham cracker flavor with smooth, rich delicious chocolate will leave you with no choice but to hook yourself up to an IV and pump it directly into your veins.
Sorel Joan of Arctic Boots.
Uggs are so 2008. I have a dirty, rotten love affair with my Sorel Joan of Arctic boots. After not being able to be within a half a mile radius of moisture without getting more water inside my Ugg boots than the Hoover Dam, I decided they needed to be put into retirement, and a new, more practical boot needed investing in. But, I wondered, is it possible to find a boot that is both waterproof, warm, practical, AND sexy? I doubted it. Until I found these.
At only $130 full price, these hot toddies are not only way more stylish, but warmer and more functional than any pair of $200 overpriced Uggs. Keeping your tootsies cozy up to -25 degrees, these boots are waterproof, windproof, and ugly proof through snow, rain, slush and snot. Plus they’re the type of thing that will last you your entire life.
Haagen-Dazs Caramel Cone Ice Cream.
You haven’t tasted ice cream until you have shoveled at least a half a gallon of Caramel Cone into your pie hole. Hands down, the best. Ice cream. Ever. Made. Manufactured in Heaven, this delectable dairy concoction will leave you weeping into your bowl with pure joy. Even as a 320 calorie per serving investment, Kate Moss couldn’t even turn it down.
If you don’t like this show, we aren’t friends. No contest, the best television series ever created. In a nutshell, psychologically scarred as a child, Dexter Morgan obsessively takes out criminals as somewhat of a vigilante in his adult life. Michael C. Hall is brilliant. Jennifer Carpenter is a pirate hooker with a dirty mouth. The plots in this series will raise your blood pressure. A lot. Persons with heart conditions, pregnant women, and the elderly are not advised to view this program, because it is way too freaking awesome. Your heart will be on the verge of exploding, always. Never before has a show gotten me so riled up in all my life. You won’t be able to stop shouting, “Oh shit!” Don’t try to jump in somewhere in the middle though, kids. Do it right. Start from the very beginning.