People who are less confused than Brett Favre.

1. Michael Jackson about his relationship with children.

2. Michael Jackson about his racial preference/identification.

3. Florida’s vote-counters.

4. Lindsay Lohan about her sexuality.

5. Jessica Simpson on various meat products.

6. Al Gore on “global warming.”

7. Tupac on whether he’s dead or not.

8. Barack Obama on pulling troops out of Afghanistan and Iraq (or not).

9. Oprah Winfrey in regards to her weight.

10. Cher’s “daughter” Chastity/Chaz on her gender.

11. Britney Spears on not sucking.

12. Heidi Montag and her understanding of plastic surgery limitations.

13. Jocelyn Wildenstein’s image of humanity.

14. Haddaway and their definition of “love.”

15. Tiger Woods and his understanding of the point of marriage and monogamy.

16. Catdog on whether they are a cat. Or a dog.

17. Prince and his beliefs about modern technology; more specifically, the relevancy of the internet.

18. Katelyn Faber and her definition of sexual assault.

19. Jennifer Lopez on choosing a husband.

20. Me and my understanding of the movie Inception.

—

I think Facebook should come up with a game application called Favreville. Similar to the current Farmville game, but let’s make it all about Bretty Favre. Updates and alerts on Favreville would say things like, “Brett needs more money to play another season! Can you help Brett reach 20 million dollars in Favreville?”

or,

“Looks like Brett needs more flexibility this season if Minnesota wants to win! Can you help the Vikings win the Superbowl by consenting to his conditions?”

and,

“It seems that Brett could be happier at Favreville right now; buy a pair of Wranglers and cheer Brett up!”

“It looks like Brett needs more attention or he’s going to pretend to retire again—can you Twitter about him and make him feel more important?”

Ridiculous. I can’t even spell “football” and I’m pissed off.

Bye.

———–

Cole: “Do it. Just do it.”

Me: “Adidas.”

Cole: “Isn’t that Nike?”

Me: “Yes.”

Cole: “….Oh.”