Tag Archives: Nickelback

Sugar daddy.

21 May

Sugar:  15 calories per tsp.

Real sugar:  15 calories per tsp.

People need to stop getting a boner over companies whose products are made of “real sugar.” It’s like all of a sudden people think drinking new Pepsi throw-backs is somehow healthy because they boast of using “real sugar.” In case you nimrods were really stupid enough not to realize this on your own, they have always used sugar. It’s just….sugar. Putting the word “real” in front of it does not magically make it “healthy” or “organic” or “better for you.” Same with the word “natural.” If you ask one of these advocates of the “real sugar” soda fans what was in their soda before, they have no idea. I’ll give you a hint: it was sugar.

Real sugar.

Oh, by the way, “high fructose corn syrup” is “sugar.”

Moving on.

I’m not sure what it is about cherries that scream “skank,” but they just do. As soon as I see a Chevy Cavalier with cherry themed seat covers, I automatically know that the driver has S’ed a lot of D’s. Cherries and sleeping around just go hand in hand. Cherry pajamas (a la Deb), cherry air fresheners, cherry themed fuzzy dice—-skanky. It’s just the way it is.


Jared Blake, contestant on NBC’s The Voice, is a walking definition of a poser. It’s like he found the how-to handbook on being a poser and took every step to prepare. Is there a “Nickelback for Dummies” book out there that I don’t know about? Has he not caught wind that everyone hates Nickelback? Nice bicycle chain around your neck, Jared. The other two hanging from your pants serving absolutely no purpose whatsoever are really, really cool too. Look at all the bracelets and rings he is wearing. He has on like four watches. Nobody needs four watches at once. The dude is wearing like 11 rings. He doesn’t even have that many fingers. How many bandanas is enough? Well, during his performance tonight, he had on three. One straight across his bald ass head, one tied around his wrist, and one tied to his pants. The one on the wrist really bothers me, because you know he can’t tie it on by himself. He literally has to go ask for someone to tie it on his arm for him. So lame. Don’t get behind this guy in airport security. He’s wearing more unnecessary metal than a medieval knight.


Keep your pants on,



“What topics can you use for small talk?”

“Ummm…golf! Stock market. Dave Matthews.”

“Yes, what else?”

“Ah, small things—peas, ball-bearings, dimes—“