Tag Archives: Law & Order

Trapped.

9 Oct

Apparently Law & Order went ahead and killed off Elliot Stabler without my knowing. I’m not sure where I missed out, but suddenly Benson is sorrowfully gazing at pictures of Stabler in her desk drawer, and her coworkers are telling her to “move on,” and that “nothing is going to bring him back.”  So….whose stupid decision was this? Sexy Christopher Meloni is part of my obsession with SVU. It’s what got me hooked in the first place. And SVU goes and kills him off? When did this happen? WHY did they do this?! And how did I miss this episode? I’m pissed. If they start phasing out Mariska Hargitay and Ice-T, I’m going to flip out.

I’LL FLIP OUT!!!

I recently got a larger three ring binder to keep track of all my job files. The one I got is a 3″.

Immediately I was petrified of snapping the metal rings onto my flesh, pinching them in a death gator-grip. It only took one day for it to happen. BOY did it hurt. Why are these three ring binders so violently powerful? That snapping power rivals that of a freshwater crocodile. They’re like a bear trap. There is no reason for them to be this scary.

Speaking of bear traps, why are these considered okay? This has got to be the meanest, most cruel and painful way to catch a bear. Why is this allowed? Incredibly inhumane. THEY SHOULDN’T BE ALLOWED!!!

There is a rogue mosquito flying around my living room. Nothing makes me more paranoid than an insect in my personal space. It keeps appearing and disappearing after I frantically and spastically wave it away. Speaking of insect infestation, the stink bugs have rolled on into town. MAN they’re gross. They just flood in, covering everything, trying to penetrate the screens of every house. They say smashing and killing one attracts more. It still doesn’t stop me from stomping them out every chance I get. I hope that’s just a myth.

I am disgusted by the nicknames the entertainment press such as E! and magazines like Cosmo give celebrities. Rihanna—-RiRi? ReReally? LiLo, ScarJo, R-Patz? Who started this? It’s worse than a blubbering toddler naming its snot-covered stuffed animals. Stupid.

Well, time for me to eat 4-6 fresh out of the oven chocolate chip cookies and watch the 2nd episode of Dexter. A winning combination indeed. Peace out.

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“I like it when people say ‘it’s a bad part of town.’  They mean black people live there.”

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Search and rescue.

17 Jun

Once again, I’d like to give you all a peek into the wide, sometimes scary but always funny  array of search terms that people out there search on Google to land them on my blog:

elephantiasis of the vagina

cucumber up arse

pies and weight loss

fattest ugliest girl ever

ugly douchebag

how do christina aguilera’s boobs stay in her dress on the voice

famous women with moles on there boobies

big fat man with small willy

old man falling off mountain

are teeth jewelry stupid

ugliest bitch on the planet

does having a baby ruin your vagina

fat f*ck sitting on someone

the fattest man in the world’s willy

ugly girl eating pie

fat willy and willy going into a vagina

ugly fat people that have poop on their face

how does the fattest man in the world put on pants

the fattest willy

short fat greasy people

sexy women with nice bums

girls peeing in stores on floor

the fattest person in the universe

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When did the term “willy” become popular again?

Pies and weight loss.  Those two terms are not even related.

How DOES the fattest man in the world put on pants?

Are teeth jewelry stupid:  Yes.

Does having a baby ruin your vagina?   Uh….would throwing up a watermelon ruin your mouth? I don’t care what they say about post-birth vaginas, I don’t buy it. Never the same.

How do Christina Aguilera’s boobs stay in her dress on The Voice?   I wonder the same thing.

Someone out there is having a bit of a situation with a cucumber. Should I trace the ip address and find out who?

I need my hair done worse than Christina Aguilera needs her beach body back.

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Seriously. It’s been many moons since I’ve had my highlights touched up. I’m a mess. I look like a poor trailer park girl. I’m one of those people that I make fun of. I need to see a stylist, stat.

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You know what I love about Law & Order? It’s always on. Always. It doesn’t matter what time of day, day of the week, holidays, the Sabbath—it’s on. Law & Order is on like 4 different channels at all hours of the day in marathon-premiers. SVU gets me going. Sometimes I take hiatuses from Law & Order and forget how addicting it is. Then before you know it, I’m back to snorting Christopher Meloni and Mariska Hargitay up my nose for three hours a day. This is me not complaining about it.

WELL, time to go.

Your friend,

Rebecgay

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“My dad lived in Japan for a year, that’s how I learned to speak Japanese. Moo-shu pork, Melissa!”