Ballin’.

20 Oct

Search terms this week:

naked lady covered milk

dog poop in britney spears mouth at night

elephantiasis of the vagina

….Who are you people?

Did 2% get sexy recently? I mean, who doesn’t like big jugs….but that’s not usually what we’re talking about.

Surprisingly, these elephantiasis searches are common. Elephantiasis of the face, the vag, the ball sac. I’m not sure how they lead people to my blog, but apparently there’s some correlation.

I don’t even really know how to comment on the weird Britney Spears’ search term involving dog shit.

Elephantiasis is one hell of a disease. There’s really no point to living if you are stricken with such an unfortunate deformity. I would end my life. I just would.

.

I’m not even sure where that man’s dick is.

.

.

That’s a real shame. That bum was okay to begin with.

.

.

That’s the worst case of cankles I’ve ever seen.

.

.

Just kidding about that last one. That’s just a morbidly obese man. His deformed body has empanadas to blame, not elephantiasis. He’s got no disease scapegoat to excuse his misshapen, disgusting carcass.

For more on elephantiasis-afflicted scrotums and hilarious ways to exploit the disease for humor, check out the hilarious Becky Delport’s most recent post: http://beckydelport.blogspot.com/2011/10/giant-testicals-strained-groin-muscles.html

I just stuffed so much Chinese food into my tummy. I am bursting at the seams. Today was one of those days that dragged on forever, and in my despair, I was afraid that the day would never come to an end, and even if it did, I had nothing to look forward to. Then I remembered it was Thursday. Fried rice was the light at the end of the tunnel. Now I am immobilized by my full gut. Hopefully I’ve digested enough by bedtime to at least leave the couch.

I’m tired of hanging up clothes. I don’t necessarily mind the act of doing laundry, and I really don’t even mind folding them. But hanging articles of clothing up on hangers? It grinds my gears. I don’t like doing it. I also hate that I am constantly running out of hangers. Where are they all going?

….maybe I just keep buying things.

The world series of baseball is really ruining my television agenda. No one gives a shit about baseball. Even people that give a shit about baseball don’t want to watch it on television. X Factor got F’ed, The Office is F’ed, Community is F’ed, EVERYTHING IS F’ed!!!!!!

Stupid baseball.

….

NO ONE LIKES BASEBAAAAAALL!!!!!!!!!!!

Well…..bye.

_________________________________________________________________

W:  What did you have for dinner? I’m starving.

B:   I hate tomato soup.

        Had.

        I love tomato soup, just to clarify.

Advertisements

3 Responses to “Ballin’.”

  1. clay-san October 20, 2011 at 7:30 pm #

    Becca, you always make me laugh. But I have a question for you. Would you rather win a million dollars, but die in ten years, or live to a ripe old age, but have to watch one baseball game per week and eat a bubblegum d.q. blizzard.

  2. beccasheppard October 20, 2011 at 7:33 pm #

    Great question, Clay. Definitely win a million dollars and die in ten years. Those are really the only good years left anyway as far as I’m concerned. I’ve got nothing to look forward to after 33 except wrinkles, a slowed metabolism, the beginning stages of arthritis, and the possibility of birthing a child with down syndrome. Hand over the cash.

  3. Franker October 23, 2011 at 12:56 pm #

    It’s a really tough call, but I think I’m going to have to go with the previous Lauren Conrad pics over these. Until she puts out a K-Mart “elephantiasis of the vagina” line.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: