Bath & Body Works needs to stop seducing me with their fall collection. I am defenseless. The aromatic candles, yummy soaps, and delicious shower gels and lotions? Are you kidding me? I can’t say no. Recently added to my collection are the following mouth-watering items:
These candles? Pass me a fork and knife. I’m going to need an intervention if they keep coming out with these irresistibly scented things, because I will start consuming them and consequently be nominated for the television show “Strange Addictions.” These soaps will also make you weep:
These are just a spoon away from becoming ice cream toppings. I will drizzle these soaps over my meals and desserts. How can something smell so good and not be edible? Somebody explain. I want these in my mouth.
I found a hummingbird laying in my neighbor’s grass this morning. Just fanned out on the lawn, unable to fly. I picked it up and held it for a moment to see if it had maybe just flown into a window and had stunned itself momentarily, but several minutes passed and it still couldn’t do bird things. I got my Dr. DooLittle on and brought it home. After placing it securely in a box, I headed to Petco and got myself a little hummingbird feeder with nectar in it and brought it home. Howard sucked down a great portion of it. He’ll be pooping everywhere in 45 minutes, I’m sure. That’s what happens when I drink too much anyway.
Between writing that last paragraph and now, I did some research on the hummingbird. Howard is a girl. Also, she most likely got attacked by a fellow hummingbird in competition for the sweet nectar of a feeder, as Ruby-throated hummingbirds fight over food during the months of August/September when they try to fatten up for their non-stop 525 mile flight south over the Gulf of Mexico. Poor thing. I hope it eats tons of this nectar and gets better so I can stop protecting it from my dog who wants to play with it. I don’t have time to be a parent.
Does anyone else feel like the subscription cards they stick into magazines procreate while inside the magazine so that they pour out of the pages endlessly, one after another? It is unbelievable. How many post cards do they put into these things? Just when you think there couldn’t possibly be another, out fall two more, nagging you to sign up for a 24-month subscription.
I really do need to sign up for those subscriptions though. I’m wasting a LOT of money buying these mags individually.
I guess 800 subscription ads weren’t enough.
WELL, time to nurse my new friend Howard. I hope I don’t become infested with microscopic mites from it. That would piss me off.
“Look, you can make it wet—you can fold it—-it’s still there. It’s paper towels!”