Talk dirty to me.

20 Jun

I came across some girl’s webpage. Here is the address.

http://www.myspace.com/neverloosefaith

….Fail.

Yeah, tight faith is really the only acceptable kind. I wish people weren’t so stupid. Worse than misspellings, however, is this atrocity:

“Re-read dat play play’Wat da f*ck is chesse?? IF its MONEY I b Dat’ IS dis suppose to b a diss or sumthin?? Im 2 grown for dis shit’ Re-read wat u sent.. Sorry Imma Hot Boyy boo boo.’Cum correct>>>”

Unbelievable. The above excerpt is a comment I found from a black male on some other person’s photo. I would like all of you to try to translate. Seriously, I’m curious. Leave a comment translating this mumbo jumbo and let me know what you think this man was attempting to say. Ready….go.

 

Why is it that the amount of material used to make swim suits is going down, while the price is simultaneously going up? I am all but boycotting stores like PacSun and Victoria’s Secret to purchase swimwear. Swimsuit bottoms and tops go separately upwards to $50 a piece. That’s up to $100 a suit. What am I supposed to do, spend one month’s paycheck on the top, and then go back next month for the bottom? Unreal. Tell me how a teensy tiny strip of fabric no larger than a five dollar foot-long at Subway can cost $50. Good lord.

Target is the way to go. Again, adorable pieces for $14 each. Just as cute, a quarter of the price.

.

Commercials for “Lavalife” constantly stream across my television screen, displaying exceptionally good-looking men and women, purring into their telephones, seducing people on the other line.

Flirt, talk, connect and meet with fun, sexy men and women at anytime of the day or night. If you are looking for phone dating chat, new friends, casual fun, dating, flirting and discreet intimate encounters, Lavalife Voice has it all. Call. Talk. Date.  it advertises.

Why use 44 words when you can use two?  “Phone sex.”

What a joke. Right, like hundreds of hot women across the country have nothing better to do than to sit at home in their living rooms and chat on the phone with creepy single dudes with beer bellies all night long. That’s definitely the best way to meet Prince Charming. You’d have better luck perusing Craigslist’s M4W.

One particular radio station here in the Greensburg area has aired a Backstreet Boys song on three separate occasions over the past seven days. I am not complaining. There’s also been a bit of N*Sync, pre-boob job/head-shaving Britney Spears, and Spice Girls thrown in the mix. I could not be happier. This lyrically mundane but rhythmically catchy pop music from the late 90s really gets me going. You know, brings me back to those middle school days where I would record those songs on blank cassette tapes in my bedroom while they aired on the radio. Too bad all of them have drug addictions and mental illnesses now.

Well, time to rock. Really it’s time to digest my Velveeta shells and cheese. Goodbye, friends.

Rebecky.

____________________________________________________________________

“Our neighbor came over to smoke with us during after-hours. She took two hits, walked home, and called the police on herself. She freaked out. The ambulance came and took her away.”

 

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5 Responses to “Talk dirty to me.”

  1. Katie Fourney June 20, 2011 at 9:11 pm #

    Re-read dat play play’Wat da f*ck is chesse?? IF its MONEY I b Dat’ IS dis suppose to b a diss or sumthin?? Im 2 grown for dis shit’ Re-read wat u sent.. Sorry Imma Hot Boyy boo boo.’Cum correct>>>”

    Read that passage again, kind sir. Do you know what cheese is? If you are referring to money, or my value as a human, is that supposed to be an insult? I am far too mature for this rubbish. Kindly, please read that passage again. I apologize for being so good looking, darling. I speak the truth.

  2. beccasheppard June 20, 2011 at 9:31 pm #

    Hahahaha.

  3. Karrie June 21, 2011 at 10:11 am #

    I would just like to point out that I just did a presentation for heterosexual deviance, one of the topics being phone sex, and used that same exact photograph! hilarious miss Rebecky.

  4. Emily Shanks June 21, 2011 at 10:13 am #

    Amazing Katie. Simply amazing. Could you move with me in August when I go back to the South to help me out?

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