“Finishing up dinner.”
That is a status update I just read.
…….a mobile status update.
Was letting everyone know that you were almost done eating your supper that pressing of an announcement that you had to reach for your cell phone between bites of beef stroganoff, log on, and inform everyone via Facebook update? What is going on with the world?
I think it’s time to start creating some sort of guideline for status updates. There are certain announcements that need not be shared with everyone in your network. Here are a few unnecessary categories that you can skip out on informing the rest of us of:
Irrelevant updates. These are the status updates that do not matter to anyone else in the entire world. Examples:
“Jared Blake – ironing my bandanas!”
“Melissa Pierce is reading Twilight again lol. #obsessed.”
“Danielle Wright is tanning!!”
“Stephen Morris: just bought a power washer.”
Riveting information, guys, but idgaf.
Emotional updates. People don’t feel sorry for you when you post country song lyrics about heart break and abuse the ellipsis to express your discontent. Examples:
“I just don’t know what to do anymore…..”
“What happened to us….. </3”
“Thought it was gonna be a sigh of relief but now I just wanna scream. F*ck emotions sometimes. I hate that I care so much sometimes bc it hurts so bad.”
^ That one was actually real. Write this shit in your diary and stick it under your mattress. Nobody cares about what’s going on inside your teenage angst gripped heart.
Updates that are directed toward one individual person in particular. If you have something to say to someone, say it directly to them. Send them a text message. Call them. Send them a fax. I don’t care what you do, just don’t post it to everyone else in your network. If you’re going to yell at your ex-boyfriend for cheating on you, then yell at your ex-boyfriend for cheating on you. At him. Not at everyone else.
“Omg Travis, I can’t believe you would do that 2 me; I gave you everything! Such a prick, guys r all the same. Don’t talk to me ever again.”
“You really find out who your friends are….”
“You are SO annoying.”
Emoticons. These aren’t even updates.
I also hate seeing people comment on their friends’ Facebook walls things like, “Text me!” or “Hey, I’m going to BBM you later.” Just…do those things. Just “BBM” them. Don’t inform them via a different technological medium that you’re planning on doing it. Just do it. Why would you write on someone else’s Facebook wall that you would like them to text you? Why wouldn’t you just…text them? People are so, so special.
Get real, folks. Bye.
“Don’t you love it when people in school are like, ‘I’m a bad test taker.’ You mean you’re stupid. Oh, you struggle with that part where we find out what you know? Oh, I can totally relate; I’m a brilliant painter, minus my god-awful brush stroke. Oh, how the masterpieces crystal up here, but once paint has hit canvas, I develop Parkinsons.”