Grilling out.

23 Mar
beccas sheppard blog
cough syrup
becca’s shepherd switzer
becca shappard blog

It’s nice to see that my fan base knows how to spell my name.

Also, apparently I am more popular plural.

I somehow caught a cold. I most likely gathered it from the enormous petri dish they call “United Airlines.” Airplanes are like being inside a virus capsule. So many germs floating around in such close quarters. It’s a shock more people don’t accidentally get pregnant on them.

I accidentally just napped for 3 hours. This is a problem, because when I get even so much as a 45 minute nap in during the day, it makes my attempt at falling asleep at nighttime futile. I lay on my back completely alert for like an hour, then start pestering Trent and rolling around and huffing and puffing out of boredom and frustration. Then Trent tries to convince me to get up and go do computer stuff, but I refuse, because I’d be on it until 4 a.m. and just perpetuate the no-sleeping cycle.

A lot of times I resort to playing endless games of Word Mole on my shit Blackberry, but the problem with laying on my back with my arms bent to hold my phone two inches from my face is that my biceps start to turn into cement and hurt like a biotch in no time. Then I have to alternate rounds of Word Mole with stretching my arms out straight in front of me for minutes at a time to counteract the cramps. It’s this whole…thing.

Tonight I will be taking sleeping pills. The only problem I have with those is that they make my arms feel like I have worms crawling through them. If I can get over that, I’ll be sleeping like a baby in no time.

I don’t know why that’s a phrase, “Sleeping like a baby.” Babies are the worst sleepers in the world. They’re fussy, they scream, they sleep in 30 minute intervals with screeching sessions in between, the beep of the microwave wakes them up and they scream some more. The phrase should be more like “sleeping like a blind, deaf, dead man.”

Something on me smells good. Really good. I can’t figure out what it is. Was it my face wash? My moisturizer? Did I put lotion on today? Is my shampoo particularly potent this evening? What is the source of this aphrodisiacal aroma I am producing? I did eat Taco Bell for lunch, but…that’s not it.

Well, maybe it is.

Lil Wayne’s teef bother me. A lot. That mouth, that crowded, jagged mouth (mouf, if I’m staying in character) of his is really frightening when he opens it. He should stop. He reminds me of the bully in A Christmas Story, but…darker.

Whose idea was it to put jewelry on peoples’ incisors? It’s stupid. How did that progression happen? Jewelry on necks, ears, fingers, bellybuttons, noses…….teeth? Bad idea, boss. There’s a reason children dread having braces. They’re hideous. Why would you ever make a more distracting, more conspicuous blingy version on purpose as an accessory? A proper, attractive mouth should be clean, straight, white, and bright. Not “bright” like, disco ball/rhinestone bangles bright. Like pearly, heavenly gates white-bright.

Well, that’s all for now folks. I’ve dragged this on long enough.


” I’ve been spending so much money. It’s bad. But it’s like all on food! It’s not on anything bad. It’s like….I’ve GOT to have a lobster claw tonight. “


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