17 Mar

WWE is so, SO gay. I don’t know how people watch it. How are people actually fans of this fake sport? Essentially, if you are a fan of WWE, you are really just a fan of terrible acting, overly tan oiled up men on steroids, obnoxious, grungy yelling, and bulging eyes. Not great.

I don’t understand how someone can even be an announcer for this “sport” (or whatever it is). I mean, you have to be REALLY good at faking enthusiasm, shock, and excitement. Basically you have to be a woman with a crappy sex partner. “OH MY GOD!! SHEAMUS IS GOING TO HAVE TO BREAK OUT OF THAT ONE!!!!” Oh wait, no he isn’t. That guy isn’t actually touching him. I forgot.  “THE MIZ IS GOING AFTER HIM WITH THE CHAIR–AGAIN!!!” Yeah, that chair must really hurt.

….the mat.

Do you think WWE wrestlers feel like huge fags when they watch MMA fighters that actually beat the shit out of each other? That has got to make your dick feel small. These fighters actually spit out teeth, get swollen brains, snap bones, and bleed out of the nose and ears. They actually hit each other.

Do you think they want to kill themselves when they watch themselves on TV? I feel like the only way to really be able to continue doing this as a career is to try and pretend you actually aren’t doing it. Like it’s one big embarrassing nightmare.

Do these fighters really get joy and pride out of winning those belts? I mean, what are they really winning? Way to fake fight and then earn an obnoxious shiny belt for being good at falling down and grimacing and yelling like a roided out orangutan. Retards in the cafeteria do it all the time at lunch. Guess what they get? Ritalin.

“THIS CAN’T BE LEGAL!!!!!” ^ Please watch at least the first the first 1:40 of this. Then keel over and die. Then watch this:

Terrible, horrible, nauseatingly bad acting.

Snooki is gross. Why is she a celebrity? She’s like a disgusting, orange meatball. She isn’t even attractive. Nor is she even technically a real person—I mean, she’s 4’9. She is legitimately a troll. An oompa loompa, but for real. I used to think there was some sort of criteria that needed to be achieved prior to becoming famous. Criteria such as being fit, slim, good-looking, funny, charismatic, etc. Snooki is literally the opposite of all of those. She is the epitome of nasty sluttiness. She’s like a dirty chicken nugget. She’s like Mr. Potato Head. What is the world coming to?

And what the hell happened to Drew Carey?

He may have lost 50 pounds, but he gained 50 years. And what’s going on with his hair? Real different. Drew, we liked you fat. You’re allowed to be fat. Be fat for the rest of us.

Get fat or get out,



“Wine. I wonder what it’s like to go to bed sober.”


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