Jolly Green Giant.

3 Mar

When my brother and I were in elementary, we would eat Spaghettio’s and pretend that we were giants, and all the little noodly O’s were people. Then we would destroy the village and eat all the citizens. Telling people this did not broaden our friend circles.

I like it when really young, immature, “love drunk” (or just actually drunk, really) girls Picnik up a bunch of photos of their then boyfriend with little neon hearts and “FoReVeR” and “Alwayz <3”  scrolled along the bottom, and then they break up. It just makes me laugh a twisted laugh. Ah.

I’m getting really tired of skanks that constantly update their statuses about their failing love lives, like “Can’t take this n e more…” and “Why do I always fall for such jerks?” and “I must just be a magnet for jerks.” Most recently, I read someone’s status who said something like, “I don’t get why I ALWAYS attract losers,” and someone replied, “Omfg, me 2. Like yesterday I just had a total ‘why me?’ moment.”

…..Okay.

Let me answer your question, dweebus. “Why you?” It’s because YOU are the retard. Crappy boys don’t get to choose you and you have no say in the matter. They aren’t your parents. You choose them. Stop choosing shitty boys, and your problems will POOF! disappear. It’s a strange concept to understand, I know. Stop sleeping with 800 d-bags and stop saying you keep getting “screwed over.” You’re just getting screwed. And you’re doing the screwing. You’re screwing yourself, is what I’m trying to say.

Robert Pattinson is unfairly sexy. Mainly as a vampire. Really Edward is sexy. That pale skin, those pointy teeth and unnaturally amber eyes, his unusually tall but passable hair…..Oh. That vampire strength. Take me, Edward. Just do it.

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“Bi-polar? What does that even mean? I’m bi-WINNING!”

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One Response to “Jolly Green Giant.”

  1. Franker March 7, 2011 at 9:22 pm #

    Got a small bit of sweet karma posting this to Foreveralone on Reddit: http://www.reddit.com/r/ForeverAlone/comments/fyive/forever_alone_the_africanamerican_edition/

    That’s what I’m talking about 😉

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