Everything but the kitchen sink.

2 Mar

My computer is being slow and skipping and stuttering like Arnie Grape. I’m getting pissed. COME ON MACBOOK! This is some HP bullshit. Few things in this world piss me off as badly as a slow internet connection. I don’t know what it is about a lagging internet connection that makes me so feral. I become enraged, like a drunk man whose gyro has just been stolen and stomped into the pavement. My anger could only be paralleled by perhaps Chris Crocker and his/her hatred for the Britney bashers. Pass me some Xanax.

Candy manufacturers need to stop ruining treats for me with dark chocolate. Ghirardhelli for example has this delicious raspberry filling sandwiched between two layers of bitter, foul tasting dark chocolate. Why do they have to go and play me like that? Dark chocolate is the wrong kind of chocolate. As far as I’m concerned, only sweet, comforting, addicting milk chocolate is the ultimate cocoa concoction; a la Dove milk chocolate. Figure it out, Wonka.

As a youngster, I had serious crushes on Leonardo DiCaprio and “Jesse” from Free Willy. I guess you could say I had a type. Looks like I have always gone for the blonde haired blue eyed boys. And boys who get in trouble in and around the ocean apparently. The end.

Why do these sinks exist?

Seriously. What a retarded design. Who on earth ever considered this as a practical design for a sink? Under what circumstances do I need strictly boiling, scalding hot or frigid icy cold water just by themselves? Very few. I’m not brewing my tea in the bathroom, guys. I’m not coming in with a tall glass and a straw to rehydrate after hitting the mouse wheel at the gym. I’m cleaning my hands, washing my face, and brushing my teeth. What am I supposed to do, try to splash the water together to neutralize the temperature in order to achieve a moderately warm level, then capture that in my cupped hands somehow and splash it onto my cheeks?

The same person that invented this poorly engineered sink probably also had a hand in creating these genius creations:

Get real.

Freepeople.com <—- Is this website kidding me?  Freepeople.com sells “vintage” tees for anywhere between $68 and an outrageous $128 as if they are some of the few remaining 1910 Honus Wagner tobacco baseball cards in circulation. In reality, these are faded, poor quality, stiff Harley Davidson t-shirts that anyone could to go Goodwill and pay less than $2 for. I was in Salvation Army just yesterday. I probably saw 20 of these. I should start my own website called “FreetardedPeople.com” and do the same thing. Stock up on used YMCA t-shirts, slap a buzzword like “vintage” on it, and attach a tag that is literally 200 times more expensive than what the article is actually worth. Hook, line, and sinker. People. People are out of their minds.

Well, time to do stuff.


B: “What’s your  mailing address?”

M: “#s, E. Denny Way, Seattle Washington.”

M: “What are you sending me?”

B: “My love.”

M: “Keep it.”


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