Going steady.

21 Dec

This morning, my dog ate his entire bowl of food plus the Olde English Bulldogge that we live with’s bowl of food. Needless to say, today is going to be a major shit show.

While we’re on the topic, I hate it when girls think it’s cute to shorten EVERYBODY’S names. “Omg, this pic is so old – Aus, Ash, La, Kel, Jo!! Lolz!” Are you really that busy that you don’t have time to say everyone’s full name? I don’t mean first, middle, and last, I mean just entire first name. Do birth certificates need to be presented? What do we need to do to get you to stop doing this, skanks?

I want to make a big batch of sugar cookies. A “bitch” of sugar cookies. (HA!) But seriously. I think I might get one of those huge pre-made Pillsbury rolls of sugar cookie dough with the Christmas emblems stamped into them with red and green food coloring of trees and snowflakes and snowmen. Then I will eat 12 of them in a row, and then I will spend the next four days feeling bad about it.

Then I will eat 12 more.

I guess I’m making about 100 sugar cookies.

Alex Lippert is in a relationship with Lindsay Baker. ❤

When I see this on Facebook and it’s actually not two sixteen year olds who think love is dry humping in a Toyota Camry at the football game after two Smirnoff Ices, I can’t help but wonder how the relationship became “official.” When you’re twenty-something, you don’t pass a note during study hall that says, “Do u want 2 b my GF? yes/no/maybe.” You [hopefully] don’t just send a text that says, “I really like hanging out with you; I’d like to be more than friends.” Do people still do the old fashioned, “So…do you want to be my girlfriend?” question? It seems so awkward.

“Yes! Let me grab my Smartphone so I can update my relationship status on Facebook and go public and all my friends can *like* it to show their enthusiasm and support for my love life.”

Personally, my own relationship never had such a point. It was just kind of assumptive, like, “Well, I guess we’re dating seriously.” I‘m aware than I am an anomaly  in the world of emotion, though, so I can’t possibly imagine that most, if any others really fall into this category of easy-assumption. There has to be a “so what are we doing” point that gets reached whereupon the relationship needs to be defined. You know, the, “So are we going to keep consistently making out in the bathroom after getting sloppy at Barley’s every weekend and maintain our texting marathons, or are we seeing other people? Are we getting each other Christmas presents? Would it be weird if I framed that picture of us eating at Applebee’s together? What’s going on?”

So many questions. Is anyone who has recently engaged in an “official relationship” not too embarrassed/willing to offer their experience here via commentary? I’m genuinely curious. I think the rest of us are, too. Go ahead. Spill your guts.

What I mean is, have four shots of Wild Turkey and then spill your guts. But not literally. Barfing grosses everyone out. Everyone.

Well, see you later.


“I need fame. Without fame, this hairstyle just looks like a mental illness.”


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