Hi, my name is.

25 Oct

Chicka chicka Slim Shady.

Word on the street is that Chelsea Handler is dating 50 Cent. I’m not sure what to do with this information. Could there be a stranger pairing? I’m not sure even a peanut butter, pickle and ranch dressing sandwich could be more off-putting. Of course this is all rumored speculation, but I still think Chelsea Handler is better off as a single, promiscuous, potty-mouthed alcoholic.

It’s weird to think that celebrities that have nicknames such as 50 Cent get called by their normal names by their significant others/spouses. I mean, it’s not like Chelsea Handler is calling him up for a dinner date and says, “Hey 50, it’s Chelsea.” It’s Curtis. Curtis Jackson. I mean it’s not like Beyonce Knowles is talking to her mom and says things like, “Yeah, Jay-Z and I are going to Miami for the weekend.” Eminem? Do you think his family members call him Slim Shady? Negative. Good ol’ Marshall. “Hey Pink, are you coming to the movie tonight?”

“Stephanie, do you want to go to the urinal with me?”

Lady Gaga’s name is Stephanie. Haha. Just plain old Stephanie. That makes her significantly less diva. I mean, it makes her look even weirder. Now she’s just a girl (supposedly) named Stephanie that wears glasses made of cigarettes and calls people “little monsters.”

…And has a dick.

I wish the grapes I am eating sucked less. I got this giant sack of succulent black seedless grapes yesterday. Little did I know that the gene pool in this particular lineage of Del Monte grapes was contaminated somehow. There are seeds galore in my sack of fruit. Besides that, I keep finding clumps of moldy grapes amongst the vine. I just bought these grapes yesterday. I’m probably going to dump the entire bag in the trash. This makes me angry, because it is literally a two pound bag of grapes. What  a waste. You just can’t win, can you?

I immediately came home today and started rocking out to Christmas tunes again. Trent came home two hours later, fired up the laptop, and started doing the exact same thing. I’m really, really excited for the holidays. Somebody get me a Santa hat. I’m ready to jingle.

__________________________________________________________

“I just organized the pizza boxes to make them look nicer.”




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2 Responses to “Hi, my name is.”

  1. Liz October 26, 2010 at 4:02 pm #

    I’d probably call ol’ Curtis “Fitty” if we were dating… but that’s just me.

    Bad grapes piss me off.

  2. Tabitha November 11, 2010 at 12:55 am #

    You should totally go to walmart to get ur hat this year! They they santa hats that sing and dance on ur head…u love it!

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