Can’t stop the flow.

28 Jul

I don’t know why nobody has thought of this yet, but I think Tampax should team up with BP to remedy this oil leak issue in the Gulf.

No leaks. Period.

Can you imagine? Constructing the world’s largest, most absorbent tampon to clog the oil spill? Essentially that’s what needs to be created. A giant, blue-whale sized tampon to plug it up and stop BP’s “flow,” for lack of better words.

Really, I think I’m onto something here. If this solution works out and fixes the babbling brook of an oil spill we’ve got going on, this could do major things for the promotion of Tampax products. Regular, Super, and BP-equivalent flow tampons, for the heaviest periods. Everybody wins. I expect credit for this idea after it’s been put into action.

There is an overweight, upper-middle-aged man who lays in the grass across the street from my apartment every single morning doing hundreds upon hundreds of sit-ups on the lawn. Does he not realize that to rid himself of his pompous gut, he should be running instead? He might be creating iron-clad abdomen muscles inside that body somewhere, but without melting off the sleeping-bag sized lard belly first, he’s got nothing to show for it. This morning around 9 a.m. we ran to the office, and he was there crunching away. Twenty minutes later we returned and found him laying face down, motionless in the grass. I wonder if he died. I didn’t go check.



“What are your plans for tonight?”

“Well, Jesse’s hot cousin and her slutty friend are in town, so we’re obviously doing whatever they’re doing.”


One Response to “Can’t stop the flow.”

  1. cole July 30, 2010 at 7:05 pm #

    You do realize the oil spill was fixed like two weeks ago, right? Right.

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