20 Jul

“If breakfast had an all-star team.”

This is what a McDonald’s billboard I pass in town on a daily basis reads, advertising the McDonald’s Deluxe Breakfast platter. More like “If IBS had an all-star team.” My, god. They’ve finally super-sized the super-size breakfast menu. Was this really necessary? This breakfast includes pancakes, sausage, scrambled eggs, hash browns, bacon, a biscuit, butter, syrup, and strawberry jam. It sounds more like an Ameristar Casino buffet. It should feed a family of four. But hell, this is America! Why can’t we have it all?

1,220 calories. That’s what this “breakfast” has. For a 5’4, 120 pound young woman, that is 87% of the calories that should be consumed in one day. It contains 98% of the daily nutritional value of fat in it. Ordering this meal is suicide.

“I hope you fill up on this breakfast Tammy, because for the rest of the day you can have 1 stick of asparagus, and two small ice cubes. That is, of course, unless you want to evolve into Rosie O’Donnel by Christmas.”

Carbs much? Whose wild idea was it to put hash browns, a biscuit, AND pancakes into one meal? I gained six pounds just looking at this advertisement. While looking up the nutritional information on this heart attack platter on, the website actually offered some “healthy alternatives” to this meal. These were the suggestions:

I never thought I would see the day where a cheese danish or a super-sized soda was considered a “healthy alternative” to something. That’s bad. They might as well add “an entire elephant” or “two metric tons of margarine” to the healthy alternatives list, because it’s not too far off.

McDonald’s has just taken fat too far. I recently learned that the largest McDonald’s on earth is located in Beijing, China, is 28,000 square feet in size, and has 29 cash registers. Why would you ever need a McDonald’s of this grandeur? This McDonald’s is larger than some shopping malls. It’s bigger than most schools. It could fit at least—-six Deluxe Breakfast platters inside of it at one time. Still, the Asians remain the thinnest of all nationalities. Besides of course Ethiopians and Haitians, but that’s for…other reasons.

Anyway, if you have ever ordered this breakfast platter, you should be ashamed of yourself. Oh, and we aren’t friends.


“Do you ever see people in public and desperately want to stop them and tell them everything that is wrong with them?”



One Response to “Breakfat.”

  1. Katie July 21, 2010 at 5:08 pm #

    I went to a Micky D’s in Beijing once. It was full of Americans.

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