I think I’m going to make it a ritual to grace you with an obscure and disturbing search term each and every time I write a post now. Wax wagina was probably the weirdest one today. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.
I wish they made diet peanut butter. That would be the ultimate. I guess they do make diet peanut butter. It’s called bulimia. “Directions: Scoop two tablespoons of peanut butter and spread on bagel or wheat toast. Chew. Swallow. Vomit. Zero calories.” Haha. Okay.
Really though. It’s aggravating that all the most delicious foods in the world put you on the fast track to the Biggest Loser auditions. Take for example, butter. Anything amazing that makes you drool like a Newfoundland dog has hordes and hordes of butter in it. It’s just not fair. It’s so good. Chocolate? Don’t even get me started. Pasta? Oh, the carbs. Sour cream, guacamole, ice cream, brownies, it never ends.
I hate women that think they’re on a diet, but they eat things like bagels for breakfast every morning. “All I had this morning was a bagel with low-fat cream cheese, I’m famished. I haven’t been eating that much since it’s summer and I need to get my bikini body on.”
Pop quiz: what has more calories?
or this Krispy Kreme donut?
EHHHHHRR. Wrong. Are you ready for the shocking news?
Donut = 220 calories
Bagel = 350 calories
Eat donuts, lose weight.
Since we’re in the fitness neighborhood right now, let me say something: I love seeing obese people wearing Skechers “Shape-Ups” like it’s going to make them fit. Like wearing magic shoes is going to parallel the results of P90X. These are not an alternative to 90 minutes on the treadmill. I’m sorry Chubs, but you’re wearing a moo-moo. You are way past leg-toning sneakers. Try real exercise.
Or gastric bypass.
Six of one, half a dozen of the other.
Time to go.
“I’ve had FOUR root canals. Four. I’m 35, I’ve had FOUR ROOT CANALS!!!”