I am very frustrated. And lost. And hungry. I just attempted to order Chinese food from a joint called Chef Wong’s here in Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania (my new home away from home). I literally could not understand a single word the Chinese woman on the other end of the line was saying.
“I need an order of crab rangoon, and can I have some extra sweet and sour sauce with that please?”
“Fwaaan cho dwaanoban ro-tan-bray soy sauce?”
“Uh….what? I need extra sweet and sour sauce—–for the crab rangoon.”
“Shoppa cow-tan fah deenah, soy sauce?”
“Shoppa fwan wi???? Soy sauce?”
For all I know, I’ve got an entire duck and broccoli beef on the way.
….with soy sauce apparently.
Trent and I moved the majority of our belongings into our new apartment in Pennsylvania today. After bringing in all our boxes and bags, we decided to head to Goodwill and Wal-Mart to gather household items and appliances that we did not pack. On our way to the truck, we “met” our lesbian neighbors. Really we were assaulted by the less butch one screaming at her dogs, and I quote,
“THAT’S IT!!! THAT IS IT!!!!! I’VE HAD ABOUT ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT! SHE’S BEIN’ A NASTY LITTLE SHITBAG!! ….YA GRABASS!”
Really not sure what “ya grabass” meant at the end there. I didn’t have time to ask.
We headed to Goodwill, leaving the lesbians to bark at each other in privacy. That’s where Trent and I found the newest addition to our very sophisticated art collection:
Jackpot. Who would ever let this masterpiece go? Someone tell me. This oil pastel painting of the 90s sensation boy band The Backstreet Boys could easily put a child through college if sold on eBay. Am I right? Don’t worry, we nabbed it up.
“I just stared at a rabbit for two minutes waiting for it to move. Then I realized it was a football.”