Red-handed.

13 Mar

The time is 1:36 p.m. in the afternoon. At approximately 10 a.m., I started drinking coffee.

I’m still doing it.

I’ve drunk enough coffee to stop a mule’s heart today. I’m more wired than a military explosive. I feel crazed. My hands are shaking like I’ve had Parkinson’s for ten years. The caffeine coursing through my veins could power an entire subway station. I’m worried. I had stationed myself on the futon for a good hour or so, checking the weather online, updating my blog, going over my catering proposal for the wedding, stalking people I hate on Facebook, the regular. Finally I had to pee, so I stood up. My legs were just about useless. I either needed to start jumping rope, or sit back down. I am tingling. Somebody take this pot away from me.

And by pot, I am referring to the apparatus that coffee is brewed in, not the herb. You understand.

Cocaine vs. Facebook: What really has a hold on our youth this generation?

I read an article the other day reporting about a burglary in Pennsylvania. The burglar, a 19 year old local male, broke into a house in the middle of the day and stole some diamond jewelry, but not before checking his Facebook on the victim’s home computer, thus leading the police directly to him afterward. Wow.

Is this man serious? What kind of gripping addiction to online social networking must you have to not be able to commit a felony without updating your Facebook status partway through? “Alright, their ADT is going off–that means I have about six minutes to log on and check Stephanie’s spring break photo album and get out of here before the cops show up.” In his haste to get out of the house, the retard forgot to log out, directing authorities straight to all of his personal contact information. Good god.

Last night I ate what could very well be my last ever meal at Mi Ranchito, as this week I will be moving my ass out to New England to temporarily settle in Connecticut for Trent and I’s new job. I’m not sure how I’m going to handle this. I’ve never lost a close friend of family member, but I can’t imagine that this separation will be much different. I’m not sure how I’ll cope. Kansas City has a myriad of different Mexican restaurants, and I have eaten at my fair share of them. Still, Mi Ranchito continues to go unmatched. It’s not even fair. I don’t know why I bother experimenting with other places. I’m always disappointed. It’s like getting a Blackberry and then going back to a Motorola Razr “just to see.” Ugh.

If you haven’t eaten at Mi Ranchito and you live within a 1 hour radius, get in your vehicle immediately and make your way there for your next meal. Let me just say this: their espinaca dip will tempt you to pour it all over your naked body, and their cream cheese chicken enchilada meal will give you wet dreams all night long. I’m not kidding. It will change your life. Anyway, Trent, myself, and 9 other people from our office had our farewell dinner/last hurrah get-together there last night for supper. The waitress served me a margarita in a glass so large I could have taken a bath in it–not something I wanted to mess with after last Wednesday after the snorkel sail; need I say more.

I wonder what kind of bribery or convincing has to take place to talk the employees of Mi Ranchito to either a) give me those two recipes so that I may whip up my fine Mexican meal every time I get the itch (….maybe not every time, unless I want to look like Kirstie Alley, but, you get the idea), or b) send me weekly packages filled with frozen tubs of queso and freezer sealed enchilada platters. I am willing to go great lengths to keep this long-distance relationship going. Somebody get the manager on the phone. I’ll warm up my Spanish.

Well, I’m off to sit and shake in the corner until my caffeine high wears off. I really hope it doesn’t take its time. Toodle-loo for now, brats.

Me: I don’t like dancing.
Rachel: You don’t like dancing?! But it’s like a fun workout!
Me: I already worked out today.
Rachel: Yeah, but did you work out tomorrow?

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One Response to “Red-handed.”

  1. Tabitha Sporer July 8, 2010 at 5:05 pm #

    This has got to be one of the funniest things ever. And when it comes to Mexican food i completely agree with your sadness although i am in love with Stokes almost famous enchiladas…they are amazing… have u ever tried them?? You should if you haven’t lol because they are like an orgasm in the mouth!!!

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