The Hairy Truth.

22 Feb

I’m starting to just not see the point in shaving my legs anymore. My body temperature has fallen so many degrees closer to hypothermia that in response, it’s trying desperately to adapt by sprouting hair. Seriously, I spend all this time making my legs smooth as eggs in the shower, and then the moment I step out, my body goes into subzero temperatures and my leg hair starts growing faster than bamboo. It is frustrating to say the least.

Maybe I’ll move to Europe so I can fit in.

…Probably not.

See the resemblance?

Mark Mangino is a huge man. Like, really huge. He’s one of those people you see in the Golden Corral and point at as he waddles up to get his third serving of mashed potatoes with pork gravy. How do you present yourself like that and then try to be taken seriously as a football coach? That’s like a model taking diet tips from Rosie O’Donnell. It just sends a strange message, don’t you think? How do you convince the NCAA that you are the best man to coach their athletic team to the top, when you yourself are a triple stack angus burger with a side of cholesterol incarnate? That’s like Ted Bundy convincing you to let him babysit your children. It just doesn’t make sense. Man knows how to coach football though, so I guess I’ll leave it at that.

Not that I watch football and/or know anything about it.

In fact….I just had to ask Trent what the “college level” of the NFL was called…thanks Trent. I’m not embarrassed.

As always, my food infatuations have cycled to something different. Now? Hot cocoa. I cannot seem to get enough hot chocolate into my body to satisfy my desires. Fortunately for me, Swiss Miss makes diet hot chocolate mix. Can you believe it? There is a god. That’s right, only 25 calories and all the creamy, chocolatey goodness you could ask for. Now, does that mean that it even comes CLOSE to Land-o-Lakes “Chocolate Graham” cocoa? Hell, no. But 140 calories vs. 25? Sorry, Lakes. My love handles are calling an end to that relationship.

I awoke this morning around 8:30 a.m. to a text message from Trent:

(6:38 am) IT’S SNOWING!!!!!!

My immediate reaction began as, “Why the f*** are you up at 6:38 am,” but was quickly interrupted by, “WHOOOOHOOOOO, SNOOOOOOW!!!!!!!” As if life couldn’t get any better, he then galavanted downstairs and greeted me with a giant steaming mug of hot cocoa. My day began well.

Unfortunately the six millimeters of snow we got melted faster than Ricki Lake’s back fat back in 2007.

This weekend the hubby and I will be traveling to Hoisington to celebrate Thanksgiving with his family. I will also be watching people shoot pheasants, poor, innocent pheasants out of the sky. Haha. Then the following weekend, back to the Dirty Bluffs to consume turkey, gravy, and sweet potatoes by the truck load. Better start preparing.

_________________________________________________________________

“Stop grinning like a fucking psycho and get over here.”

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