Wet ‘n Wild.

10 Feb

What the fuck is Twitter? For god’s sake, someone explain. Apparently it’s the new crack cocaine, or the new black. Am I out of the technological loop? All I know about Twitter is that it’s the latest hit with the gays and sorority girls from Chicago, meaning I probably won’t like it.

After a major crossroads, I have recently decided to pursue knife wielding instead of management, meaning I have been back in the blade-slanging business for the last two weeks and will continue to spread my Cutco seed all over middle- to upper-class households in the Kansas City metropolitan area. My goal for the summer: 100k, but 75k at a bare minimum. What will I do with all of my money!??!?!

I have some ideas: 1) The first and most obvious idea being raid Express and Aldo on a weekly basis. 2) Fix my car, as my brakes are squeakier than Mr. Clean, and the undercarriage of my car is getting lower than Flo-Rida. 3) Make wise investments that will benefit my bright future.

Looks like I’ll be drawing names out of a hat. Ha.

Someone email Noah and build an ark–it’s raining for 40 days and 40 nights. I actually saw an old man gathering birds and rodents by the pairs in the parking lot of my apartment complex yesterday. We’re about to see the second flooding of the world. One item I have not yet invested in in my life is an umbrella (ella, ella. I hate that song), and unfortunately it has been raining pretty much non-stop for the last 78 hours. Truth be told, I actually enjoy dismal and rainy (particularly stormy) weather. Unfortunately, wet weather of this nature really does horrible things for my hair. I have very curly hair naturally, and any droplet of moisture or hint of humidity in the air makes my locks go hog wild. By mid-afternoon, I’m looking like Amy Winehouse with no effort whatsoever.

I drink A&W diet cream soda by the case on a daily basis. People are starting to make comments. “That can’t be good for you.” “That’s so much sugar/corn syrup!” “I can’t imagine that’s very healthy.”

Let me establish something, folks: “diet” soda contains no calories, sugar, or corn syrup–all the components that cause incredible weight gain, drastic blood sugar spikes and drops, and overall poor health. In fact, there is basically nothing in diet soda. Let me give you a rundown of the ingredients:

Calories: 0
Total Fat: 0g
Total Carb: 0g
Protein: 0g

To summarize, diet soda may not be, by definition, “good” for you, but it certainly isn’t “bad” for you either.

Stop heckling me, team. I am a thirsty girl and water doesn’t cut it.

My dear ol’ parents decided to come to Kansas City this weekend to visit me in my new home. Hopefully they won’t be wanting to spend much time at my apartment, seeing as it is not fit to house even a wild animal. (On that note, I need a vacuum cleaner. Preferably one with the power of 1,000 elephants). In any case, they, myself and Trent are eating at Brio this evening, meaning this will be my 114th time eating there in the short period I have been living in KC. I’m not mad. It is by far one of my favorite restaurants next to Margarita’s on Southwest Boulevard. Anywho, tomorrow I plan on spending some quality time showing my mom the gigantic mansions around town and coercing her into shopping with me. Trent got conned into making his “famous enchiladas” (I think I just popped a woody) for Saturday, so all in all, I have a great weekend to look forward to.

Time to go.

Me: “Why are you so good at this job?”
Clint: “I don’t know…I mean I guess because I’ve sold stuff before.”
Me: “You have?? What did you used to sell?”
Clint: “I don’t know, like dogs, sweet corn, and onions.”
Me: “…what?”
Clint: “Onions are a very lucrative market, Becca.”

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: