One and Two and.

10 Feb

You know it’s time for the United States to declare war with another country again when the hottest news on Fox 4 is the latest injury on Dancing With The Stars. On account of my television options being more limited than the number of places that the pre-Subway Jared could fit on account of my 3 channel situation, I am exposed to a LOT of news. I am literally dumbfounded by the attention that the injuries on Dancing With The Stars get.

When did this show claim priority over rising gas prices, recent jail breaks, and Al Qaeda? And what is the deal with this program? Not that I watch it, but from what I have gathered, every week they bring someone marginally more off-the-wall than the week prior, like Steve-O from Jackass. Why isn’t this man in a wheel chair yet? Not from injury or retarded stunts. I mean why isn’t he rendered virtually brain-dead, drooling on his own shoulder and wagging his tongue and flapping his wrists about due to drug-related brain damage? Some things I’ll just never understand. You know who I’d like to see on this show? Dennis Rodman. Marilyn Manson. Hulk Hogan. Maybe then I’d tune in more regularly.

I have trouble understanding that just because someone has an accent, it does not mean that they are retarded. When speaking with someone from another country, I find myself dumbing down my language and slowing my speech, forgetting that just because Ms. Kapur uses shorter vowel sounds than I, it doesn’t mean she does not understand the words coming out of my mouth. I wonder if I’ll ever get past this.

Probably not.

I’m tired of cops on motorcycles. I feel like I could take a cop on a motorcycle in a battle. Granted the ol’ Neon is not a beast by any means, size certainly matters in a situation like this, and I don’t feel I would be intimidated by a policeman on a motorbike. Would I pull over? Or would I brake fast and watch him zig-zag out of control and reconsider his M.O.? Speaking of which, I have a warrant out for my arrest. I actually do. Why? I have failed to pay a speeding ticket I got a while back. “A while back” meaning in February. I’m going to jail. Keep your cells handy. My one call might be you!!!!!!


Who grows up aspiring to be a bee keeper? I’m curious. What compels someone to want to wear a wiry mesh astronaut outfit and gather honey from millions of pissed off insects with the ability to sting on a daily basis? I have nothing further to add to this thought. Thanks for stopping by.

“You know you’re ghetto when you spell ‘damn’ with E’s.”


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