4th Meal.

10 Feb

Fruit flies. Did they co-sign my lease? Suddenly my apartment is full of them. They zoom around and get dangerously close to my face. I fear that I may inhale or ingest one at any given time. I’m afraid to go to sleep. What if I sleep with my mouth open? I am in no need of a midnight snack. And if I was, I’d be more in the market for a chocolate Snack Pak, not a gnat. Someone call the Orkin Man.

Our training classes always bring food to cut up on Day 2 of training. Someone usually brings a loaf of bread, another person brings a few apples, someone else will bring a pineapple if we’re lucky, a few carrots here and there, etc. This week there was something in the water. We had somewhere north of 7 loaves of bread, an entire cherry coffee cake, three trays of brownies, 4 pineapples, 6 summer sausages, 5 blocks of cheese, an entire ham, and for some reason someone brought 3 bags of fried chicken (?). Things got loco. Needless to say, we had quite a surplus of food left over for the pillaging.

Ryan and I took two pineapples home. Tonight I got a hankering to chop them up, so I did. Naturally I consumed a hearty amount of it as well, and BOY is my tongue paying the price. My tongue is burning, literally burning from eating this pineapple. Is it radioactive? Where did the trainees get this pineapple, Area 51? My tongue feels like I licked a bug zapper. Should I be concerned? Is there a remedy? I have so many questions.

I hate having dreams about getting new pets, because I’m always so disappointed when I wake up. Just last night, I dreamt I found a stray kitten roaming the halls of my apartment/assisted living center, and naturally decided to adopt it. I am allergic to cats, and in my dream I remembered rationalizing my decision to keep the cat by assuming that since the cat was a kitten, I had time to develop an immunity to it by the time it was full grown.

I’m an idiot.

And I hate cats.

Today as I was putting together a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I dribbled a small amount of jelly down the side of the Jif jar, so I went to smear it off. In doing so I noticed a small bubble with tiny writing in it about the size of a thumbnail. With a closer look, I found that it read “A Proud Supporter of the Boys & Girls Club of America.” How ironic, I thought. For a “proud” supporter, I don’t think that they could have made their announcement ANY smaller. Ha. Jif.

Anyway, it’s time for me to go into a brief stage of hibernation. Love, peace, and chicken grease.

“I hate it when people get taller when they sit down because their ass is so big.”

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