The one weekend that I should be focusing on studying, seeing as finals are this week, I drank more than I ever have before. Thursday, some of the theater gang came over, along with Marcus, Cole, and Cassie. After consuming quarts of vodka out of a cereal bowl, the group started heading out in different directions. Maggie, Cassie, a Mexican and I stopped at L&M and robbed them for everything they were worth. We pillaged two bags of Doritos, some brownies, an apple danish, a cherry danish, and some other miscellaneous goods, and then went to Formosa briefly.
We downed some sort of oriental beverage and then headed to Brother’s where, with Cassie’s help, I lied about bar courtesy and got in for free. I started guzzling some sort of applicious beer and made friends with a deaf man, and then my friend told me she was bisexual. After some time, we decided to get Panchero’s. After I got my burrito, a randomly stole a paper bag sitting by the cash register. We broke past the barrier leading to the upstairs portion of the restaurant and sat there. Then we investigated the contents of the paper bag. What had we gotten? Coupons. Several coupons for Panchero’s. Score. I go home and go to sleep at 5 a.m.
Friday, I didn’t plan on going out at all. Then around 5 p.m. I changed my mind. “Kehly, get in the shower. We’re drinking.” We bathe and primp ourselves, and then take a seat at the couch in the living room with a 2 liter of 7-Up and a jug of Hawkeye.
We start drinking. Amy’s parents were in town, and they were all out to dinner. Kehly and I tried coercing people into coming over to drink with us, but everyone was “studying for finals” or some shit. We continue slamming shots. Some time later, Trent, Teresa, Mike, Christina, and Amy return. We head to DC’s where Trent purchased me thirteen sex on the beaches. I’ve never had such a delicious beverage. I have always been a fan, but DC’s has Emerill working bar back or something. I know it. A black girl tells me she likes my hair, and calls Teresa my mom. I grab her boobs and we go back to our table. Trent buys me another dozen drinks. Kehly and I “wipe me down.” Then we decide to get Panchero’s.
We arrive and randomly find Ashley McGuire there, who eats with us. Then she invites us to join her for a free ride on “Nite Ride,” the city sponsored safe ride that only girls can ride en route home from the bars so they don’t get sexually assaulted and tossed into a creek. A girl asks me if I’m from Texas after I use the term “y’all,” and I say “fuck no! Thank god.” Then I discovered she was from Texas.
I get home, make a handful of drunk dials, and go to bed.
Saturday, I pledge to begin studying. A short while after I get up, however, I realize studying is not in the cards for me. Instead, I decide to waste my day stuffing myself silly and watching reruns. Amy and Kehly leave for the library. I decline accompanying them, as school is not considered one of my priorities. So I’m sitting on the couch watching four consecutive hours of Animal Precinct on Animal Planet when Cassie texts me to come over for margaritas. I don’t feel like moving at that point, and would prefer to rot in my living room alone for the rest of the evening. After a good twenty minutes of heckling and persuading, however, I decide to get smashed.
She and Mike pick my ass up, and I join them in consuming many-a-margarita. And a Corona. Followed by a half dozen shots of vodka. We get good and drunk, and beg Amy to drive us to Taco Bell in the pouring rain. We do. End scene.
Finals can suck my D good and hard.
“I’m finna go get some food.”