Potato, PotAHbeer.

8 Feb

I don’t know why I chose to drink a Sprite Zero here. It’s what I mix all of my alcohol with. It tastes like straight up lighter fluid to me right now. A new replacement beverage is in order.

How did alcohol ever get invented? My curiosity is endless. Someone had to accidentally ferment potatoes, then find the nasty liquid and get high enough to put it in their mouths. Then, after discovering that this highly questionable liquid burned like hell and tasted like shit, they continued to drink it despite the terrible taste.

My guess is that someone lost a bet. There happened to be a bucket full of rotten potato juice sitting in someone’s cellar, and they were forced to drink it for losing at Tic Tac Toe. The result? Drunkenness. Drunken bliss. And then, there was beer.

Thank god.

I hate physical things that you can’t stop. Yesterday, Cassie explained to me that she began to laugh at something she wrote herself in a class, and started to cry. Like sob. Likewise, yesterday while I was contemplating suicide on account of my hopeless paper-writing dilemma, I started to cough.

And cough.

And cough.

For six straight minutes I hacked a vicious cough that I could not suppress. People started looking aggravated, shooting me glances across the room and glaring over their shoulders as I disrupted their quiet study time and broke their focus. Finally, it ceased. Sort of.

The worst physical phenomenon that you can’t control, in my opinion, is choking. Choking is so embarrassing. You’re sipping your caramel latte when suddenly, OPE! it goes down the wrong pipe and trickles into your trachea. You lurch forward, your face reddening, your eyes bulging, with a sputtering cough, gasping for air. BUT, while your biggest concern should be that you might die then and there, instead you are worried about how embarrassed you are.


My lung condition has not improved. My chest is still rumbling like Mary Kate Olsen’s stomach. My respiratory system is failing and so are my grades. However, I found an inkling of hope today after I figured out one of my papers and got some assistance from my incomprehensible Asian TA about another. Maybe I’ll make it through the week. I won’t make any promises.

“Yes. Let’s get just hammered. We should start out slow though. Nevermind.”


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