La Verdana.

8 Feb

Yesterday marked day 1 of Mission: Impossible. Darkening my virtually colorless epidermis. Melanoma, here I come. After slathering myself head to toe in SPF eight billion, I tentatively stepped into the sun’s intimidating UV rays for the first time in nearly a year. I spent a good hour and a half laying in a tepid pool of my own sweat, baking like a potato on my balcony in the sun with Katie and Laurel. I could feel my face reddening after the first half an hour or so, and went ahead with a double-app of Coppertone. We’ll see what the damage really is in the next few hours.

Today I spent a considerable amount of time tanning my frontside, later discovering that I had missed a good portion of my neck and shoulder region while applying sunscreen prior to my broil fest. Oh it burns. I can’t wait to start shedding skin like a ripened onion once I start to peel. How could I possibly be any more attractive?

In other news, I have yet to start a job search. I decided to “reward” myself for eeking through my sophomore year and winging my final exams by spending my first week back doing nothing but being leisurely. That being said, I have done little but roast in the sun, sleep in, watch movies, pester my dog, and exercise in an attempt to undo the last five months of binge eating I participated in. We’ll see how it all pans out.

There is no place I would rather be than Lake Okoboji right now. No sir. There’s nothing better than waking up surrounded by empty beer cans, cooking up some scrambled eggs that you will later lose to an aggressive hang over, and then moseying out onto the dock to sun yourself for the following eight hours, occasionally jumping into the lake and attempting to shove your unsuspecting friends in too. Bring me back. Somebody bring me back.

I have gotten so used to having a cell phone that now that I have returned home, I am genuinely startled by the shrill ring of the house phone. I jumped the first time it rang. Furthermore, I refuse to ever answer it. It will never be for me. Ever. I dream of the day that landlines are non-existent. That is the world I would one day like to live in.

…that world would also be without Tyra Banks or mosquitoes.

WELL, I’m off to be about as unproductive as a Mexican on a roof.

“I like Shrek.”


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