YOU have, ONE, NEW, MESS-age.

7 Feb

Alright. The IMU? On fire. The temperature is escalating like a fight on Jerry Springer. Why do they do this? They really don’t want me to study. If they did, they would make it a comfortable environment. I am just told that the fire alarm went off here today. I’m not surprised. I’ll put money on the fact that it had nothing to do with someone burning a Hot Pocket, either. Instead, the blazing 200 degree temperature alerted the fire detector that molten lava was exploding from the floors of the ITC.

Near death experiences: some people have had the misfortune of having one; others, not yet. Mine? The wave pool at Fun Plex. I think everyone has had close calls in the wave pool. It always seems like a fun idea at the time, until you get swept back near the jets that forcefully suck the water in and out. For some reason you’re never in a tube, and eventually all the lucky bastards in their flotation devices are piling around you, pushing you under and trapping you beneath the urine-contaminated water. You panic, but refuse to shout to the lifeguard for help out of embarrassment. Finally, just as you’re about to take your final breath, the waves cease, and you dog paddle back to safety. My aunt almost drowned in a wave pool once because she got trapped under an inflatable dinosaur. Those things are dangerous. Watch out.

Why must I sit through sixteen minutes of the automated voice messaging system before I can leave someone a voicemail, and why does it need to interrogate me like it does? All I need is a beep, and I understand that I am to leave a message for that person. Instead,

“You have reached, the voice messaging system of FOUR, ZERO, TWO, SIX, NINE, NINE, THREE, TWO, NINE, TWO. To leave a voice mail message, press one. To leave a callback number, press two. To return to the main menu, press three. Para Espanol, press cuatro. To know what kind of deodorant this person uses, press five. To inform them that they are pregnant, press six. For other options, press star. When you are finished recording, please hang up, or press pound.


Really? Stop it.

Time to watch Tila Tequila. Time to fail school.

“Ahh, it’s so warm. –It’s not hot.”


2 Responses to “YOU have, ONE, NEW, MESS-age.”

  1. Zack February 7, 2010 at 8:24 am #

    I enjoyed reading that. Keep writing. 😀

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