Surprise!

5 Feb
There are a lot of things I don’t enjoy. A long list compiled of people, such as Carlos Mencia, songs, such as that stupid f’ing song that says “I, really need you booooo,” (fuck that song), textures (mainly carboard and styrofoam–a lethal combination when joined in, say, a box protecting a fragile lamp or dishware), and other random things like mustard or Coke. But, there is one thing I enjoy a lot less than any of those things. You know when you go to take a piss and then suddently your butthole is like “NOT SO FAST!”

Surprise poops. I don’t have time.

Why are Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt famous? What the shit have they done that I haven’t done, except make a sex tape and drive a Mercedes Benz? They’re like the most celebrated couple, and for what? I’ve seen more interesting couples eating at Pita Pit, or arguing in Younkers. Granted, they might not be wearing Dolce & Gabbana while doing so, but at least they’re going into the dressing rooms and stealing it shortly afterward.

I can’t stop drawing dicks. Spare me the “durhdurhh 8% of kids do it! lolz” bit. I get it, Jonah. Back to the topic at hand. Dane and I have an ongoing dick drawing battle with a thirst that cannot be quenched. I actually DREAMED that I was drawing dicks on the computer last night. Granted, I woke up with a few pretty good ideas for later, it’s not normal for this to be happening. It’s affecting my academic life. I can draw dongs for three hours straight, but I can’t do homework for even ten minutes. Is there a major I should be looking at where this might be beneficial? Didn’t think so.

Speaking of my phallic dreams, I have a recurring dream that terrifies me at least weekly, usually more. I always dream that my teeth are either breaking off, going incredibly crooked, bleeding, coming loose, or all falling out. I run to the mirror to find a bloody mouth with teeth dangling from their roots. It’s horrible. They’re so vivid and so realistic, that in the morning I actually check my mouth in the mirror. In one dream (one of the lucid sort), I reminded myself that the situation was probably just a dream, so no need to worry. Moments later, in my dream still, I “wake up” only to discover that my incisors were still making a run for it, and my gums were holding a Jihad. It never stops.

My afternoon/evening goes as follows: suffer through Core Concepts and ask myself why I’m in that class. Practice weird play scene with classmate. Go home and make eggs. Nap. Then I have an interview at Etc. for either Etc. or Iowa City Fitness, is my take on the matter. Hopefully I get the gym job because I’m there all the time anyway, and plus, free tanning. God knows I need it.

“Oops; my belly turned my mic off.”

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