Fish Fry.

5 Feb

Last night, Cole and I joined Nick and Nick at Rachael’s apartment for some burgers, beans, and booze. The three B’s, of course. After stuffing our faces and consuming a few drinks, we head out to Nick Eckerman’s keg. The night was filled with chaos. Nick kept dumping handfuls of Sweethearts into everyone’s beer. Kevin Burns started a neverending keg cap attack, forcing dozens of people to chug their entire beer on more than one occasion. I told a large girl that she had “bigger fish to fry” after she explained to me a predicament she was in. A drunk high schooler puked in the sink. A mom and dad showed up and watched their 15 year old daughter do a keg stand. People died.

Around 2 a.m., Cole and I decide to head home. We go outside and reach the sidewalk. Cole asks, “Can we steal tonight?!” Naturally I say yes. Cole gets excited and starts flailing around, consequently whacking me in the nose. I begin to bleed. “COLE, YOU BROKE MY NOSE!!!” I whine. I shuffle over to the side of the building under a street lamp and investigate. I am indeed bleeding. We then proceed to the gas station to a) pee and check out my allegedly broken nose, and b) rob the shit out of the place.

Cole and I leave with a pepperoni pizza and a bottle of pickle relish that Cole squirts all over parked cars on our way to my apartment. We get home, bake, and go to bed. I vaguely remember hearing Kehly hootin’ and hollerin’ outside through my open window, but I ignore her and her requests for me to come outside and “party.”

The next morning, Cole and I awake, parched. We wonder if Kehly ever made it home, and peek into her bedroom to investigate. No luck. I go to chug water, and I hear Cole call out, “Yeaaap, found Kehly.” I mosey out into the living room to see Kehly bunched up, fully clothed with coat and boots on, passed out on the tiny couch. Then to my left, I see an unidentified man sleeping on the big couch. I introduce myself. He tells us his name is Eric, he lives next door, and Kehly paraded in to take beer bongs at like 3 a.m. the night before. We chat for a bit, and then he leaves. Cole and I harass Kehly for some time and then return to bed.

That’s that for the weekend. Today I have to write two papers, both of which are due in less than 18 hours. I’m such a procrastinator. I’ll probably end up killing myself sometime soon here. In other news, the IMU is so ungodly stifling that I might give up on homework altogether. I’m freaking out in here. I’m cooking. Literally cooking.

Me: “What if they played shit like that at the bars? Like the 12 Days of Christmas.”
Jeremy: “Everyone would be so pissed. They’d leave by seven maids-a-milking.”

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