Drunk Driving.

5 Feb

Spring break has sadly come to an end. Too bad I don’t remember most of it. I hear it was a good time all around though. Eight more tedious weeks of class until summer vacation. I can’t wait. I’m going to be bronze. Bronze, I tell you. In other news, I was elated to return to the City de Iowa to find it dry and mainly without snow. It’s about facking time. I was beginning to lose my mind.

Yesterday before beginning our journey school-ward around 5:45 p.m., Richard, Jamie and I stopped at Hy-Vee to get Starbuck’s for the road. While inside, Richard purchases a plate of spicy salmon roll sushi, an iced vanilla latte, a nectarine, and a plum. I get my chai tea latte. We head back to the car. Rich consumes his above items, and then washes it down with half a water bottle full of vodka, cup-time style. Ha. Six minutes later, he is a drunk man. End.

So most of you received our Hawk Alert this morn. Some freak in Iowa City murdered his four kids and wife and then peeled out in his Toyota Siera, tearing through town until he crashed and burned to death on Barrington. I am now just one step closer to being a part of or a witness to a bloody massacre. I’m convinced I will be within the next six years. People around me are dropping like flies left and right. It’s only a matter of time. People need to just stop killing other people. Murder is like the new black. Get a hobby. There are plenty of things to do besides slaughter other human beings. Play Sudoku. Try heroin. The possibilities are endless.

Richie and I purchased our Paramore/Jimmy Eat World tickets this weekend. I am feverishly excited. I will be bombed and belligerent, and it will be fantastic. Consequently, I will be spending the next three consecutive weekends in Ames. This weekend is Jamie’s birfday. The following weekend is the concert in Des Moines, meaning we will be going up to Ames afterward. The next weekend after that is Veishea. I won’t be going anywhere the weekends after that, because I will have perished.

School can suck me.

“Was he attractive?”
“He was REALLY sunburned.”

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