I’ve been denying Facebook friendship requests left and right for the past few weeks or so. Why? Because for starters, nearly 100% of the requests are from people I’ve never heard of. Before saying no right of the bat, however, I give them a chance by scoping out their info. THEN I reject them. What makes me reject them after reading their profiles? Things like these:
When your interests include, “ii ❤ 2 LiVe, ❤ 2 L@uGh, ‘n’ ❤ 2 LuV!!!!”
your music says, “Pu$yCaT dolls!! COUNTRY!! ,<3, Kelly ClarksOn!, pritty much everything!!”
your activities listed are, “driving wit my windows down n my mUsiC UP!!”
and your favorite quotes are along the lines of, “if he makes u cry;; then he wasn’t worth your tears” or “mY fRienDs r thE sHit–fuck wit them, I’ll fUck uP yer faCe!! (lolz Shanna, lylas!!)”,
the first thing I want to grab is a knife, and plunge it directly into my lungs. Or yours, if you’re close enough.
Another insta-reject is when your picture is of your car, or worse, your truck. Stop. Stop it. Get away from me.
So yesterday, Jamie informed me that our 50 year old boss from Taco John’s, Craig, showed her father a picture we had sent him of us drinking at a Christmas sweater party. I texted Craig and warned him not to show my parents, as they are extremely anti-drinking. Craig replies,
“Should i not discuss our dating either let me know, Craig.”
I respond, “Our relationship is way out in the open. My mom already bought you an engagement gift. I hope it fits.”
He replies, “So if your mother comes into the mall should I call her mom or would that be premature? Craig.”
hahahah. I love that silly man. Oh Craig.
Yesterday in lecture, there was a girl sitting in front of me who had a good baker’s dozen of those moles that stick way out all over her face, and she kept plucking at them all period long. It made me nauseous. Don’t do that. Get them removed, and until you do, hide in your home, preferably behind locked doors.
I’m a bitch.
I am quickly approaching note number 200. Someone throw a party.
..This won’t help.”