Over-Achieving for Dummies.

4 Feb

WELP, I have my third but not final paper due in less than 36 hours, and so far my progress is going great. My paper looks like this:

Becca Sheppard
Survey of Film
12 November 2007


The way things are going, I should pull it off with a D or D-. Since I’m so far ahead, I figure the only appropriate thing to do is to dick around on Facebook for a few hours to find some inspiration. The things you’ll find on the world wide web to spark your creativity about German film and classical Hollywood cinema are dumbfounding. Simply dumbfounding.

I am currently being heckled, and dare I say threatened even, by a kiwi-sized housefly. For some reason I am the sole target of this steroid-gulping insect, as it is not hounding anyone else in the vicinity. This fly is large enough to honestly make me uncomfortable and afraid. Every time it zooms toward me with the force of a Concorde jumbo jet, I fling my arms about my head in a seizure-like manner to fend it off. People are beginning to stare. Hand me a rifle so I can take care of business.

For no reason at all, earlier today the phrase “apple of my eye” popped into my head. It then occurred to me that I have never understood where exactly that phrase comes from. What possesses somebody to refer to a loved one as a seeded fruit, and what is this fruit in relation to the optic lens? This phrase is senseless to me. Apple of your eye, you say? Try the “corn on my foot.” That’s what you are, biggie.

While passing by the dozens of bike racks lining the sidewalks in front of buildings on campus today, a funny idea struck me. I think it would be a great practical joke to pad-lock various heavy objects to people’s bikes as they leave them unattended. A few ideas came to mind, including, but not limited to, cinder blocks, other bikes, a sleeping bum, perhaps—really the list is unending. We’ll see how much time I have on my hands at the end of the week, see if we can’t get this little prank going.

WELL, I’d better dive into my paper before I fail out of college. Mom wouldn’t be happy, it being the second time and all.

Still loathing Tyra Banks with the hatred of the devil himself,
Rebecca Shipyard


“Go to Hy Vee, get some bacon, egg, and cheese, and make yourself a BLT!”


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