Brothers gotta hug!

4 Feb

I find myself sitting, completely unoccupied, at the administrator computer in Cold Stone Creamery. From 10 a.m. to noon, I have the store completely to myself, and on top of that, I get an average of zero customers during that time period. Today in particular, I do not even have to make any ice cream or cakes, so after opening the store, I’m done. Er go, I’ve been munching on brownies and dicking around on the computer since I got here. The best part about this is, I’m getting paid to do it. This job rocks.

Thanksgiving was a great success. After stuffing myself silly at Johnny’s house around 2, I proceeded to shovel more festive foods into my belly around 5 at my own house. Needless to say I was as full as Dolly Parton’s bra. Although I gained a good 8 pounds over the course of the week, it was enjoyable and delicious. Plus I had some good drunken extravaganzas, and if this past week was any indication of how Christmas break is going to be, I’ve got a lot to look forward to.

Speaking of Christmas break, BOY am I in the spirit of the holidays. Do not be surprised to find me galavanting about campus with battery-operated Christmas lights strewn about my body, chanting Christmas carols and splashing eggnog on passersby. I AM VERY EXCITE!! Unfortunately, the approach of Christmas break also means the approach of finals, a “tradition” I can do without. Bah humbug. I don’t likehaving to study 23 hours a day. I just don’t. Truth be told, I’ll probably end up “winging” my tests like I normally do, which generally works out in my favor oddly enough. We’ll see.

I’m tired of Facebook raping me with various “applications.” These so called “applications” are just getting ridiculous. ‘Hotness’ applications, ‘Graffiti’ applications, ‘X me’ applications, ‘tampon’ applications, ‘Preparation H’ applications—I’m annoyed. I need none of these. All these applications do are clog up peoples’ profiles and induce life-threatening seizures. Quit it FB. Just quit it.

I find hugging to be an extremely awkward activity. Hugging should almost be classified as an Olympic sport. Like basketbal or soccer, you can be good or bad at it. There are so many things that can go wrong in a hug. It’s awkward to go in for one; you don’t know if the other person is feeling it, if they consider themselves on hugging terms with you, or if they’re expecting it in the first place. Then it’s like you have to decide whose arms are going above whose shoulders; that gets messy. Next you have to worry about the length of the hug– if you stay in too long, you end up doing that awkward back pat too many times. If it’s too short, you come off like you realized the person had head lice and abruptly back away, offending and startling them. In conclusion, everyone should just high-five each other and save ourselves some trouble.

WELLLLLL. I’m going to go make paper snowflakes or something.

“Do your pants say ‘ho ho ho?'”
“No, they say ‘oh oh oh.’ They’re called ‘realization’ pants.”
“….Oh.”

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