I am angry, ladies and gentlemen. Clear the hallways–I’m about to go on a vicious, violent rampage. I might not have cancer, my best friend didn’t commit suicide, and my dad doesn’t beat me, but I’ve got some serious issues at hand right now. I’ll list them alphabetically:
1) I lost my keys.
This is the second time I’ve misplaced those babies, and it takes a little more than pocket change to replace. Funny thing is, I’m sure, I’m almost certain I unlocked the door with them last night, and then apparently Hudini decided to F with me and made them disappear into thin air. I have turned this room inside out, and they’re nowhere to be found. I am irate.
2) I lost my clogs.
I don’t know how the freak you lose a pair of shoes, especially when they’re not camouflage. Plus, I wore them to Johnny’s house, went to sleep (“passed out due to wicked intoxication”–see “alcohol related causes,” pg. 54) , woke up, and they were nowhere in sight. Then I went home without shoes on. This doesn’t make any godforsaken sense.
3) I lost my University ID.
This is annoying for multiple reasons. A) it’s not free to replace, B) I can’t buy food at Burge, C) I need it to get into the workout room, D) I need it for exams, and E) I can’t buy food in the Mayflower Market.
Food is important. Let’s get that straight.
4) I lost my virginity.
5) I think I’m PMSing due to the above reasons. Also see “Mad Cow Disease.”
That’s it. I’m ordering Gumby’s pokey sticks and wallowing in self pity all night.