Jessica Simpson is hot.

3 Feb

I don’t know if the general public has noticed, but I believe that the consensus we’ve reached these days is that Jessica Simpson is unbelievably hot. I don’t know of many men, women or children that would turn down the chance to get nasty with Jessica Simpson, and that’s a bold statement. Here’s what gets to me, on the other hand: people will claim left and right that they would do ANYthing with this goddess and sex icon; even when I suggest, “Would you let her shit on your chest?” Of course the immediate answer is an automatic “YES!” This is where I disagree.

Granted Jessica Simpson is untouchably the sexiest woman on planet Earth and possibly in the Milky Way (I haven’t met many aliens yet though, so I’m not putting my money where my mouth is quite yet), it’s stupid to say that you would let HER shit on your chest, and not say…Amy Cozad. Allow me to explain.

Shit is still shit. What makes Jessica’s shit different from Amy Cozad’s? They’re both feces. If they both ate a double cheeseburger from McDonald’s and pooped it out, one isn’t going to be better than the other. Do NOT try to tell me that if I presented two plates full of steaming shit to you, one being JS’s and one being Amy’s, you would know the difference. What, does Jessica’s poop have glitter, diamonds and confetti in it? Does it smell like a fresh load of laundry sprinkled with rose petals? Are rays of heavenly light streaming from it? For some reason I really doubt it, and if there are, you might want to donate a sample to science. You’re probably dying and might want to consider altering your eating habits. I don’t think rings, party decorations and flowers are part of the main food groups. Then again I’ve been wrong before.

Twice.

“Let’s do stuff.”

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