A person approached me with a clipboard while I was walking just now and asked,”Hi, would you be interested in an internship opportunity?” and I seriously almost answered, “No, I’m on my period.” Hahahah. Anyway.
I find myself again in the bitter coldness of the IMU computer lab, a place I like to refer to as my new “home away from home.” I spend a great deal of time doing homework here, and an even greater deal of time wasting my life on Facebook and mooching goodies from the market with my U-Bill that my parents are forced to pay. I am currently indulging in a giant plate of sushi, and I’m fairly certain my neighbors do not appreciate the pungent smell of the California Roll, but this is America, and I’ve got rights, damnit. I opted to spread some wasabi on my Japanese morsels, and was disappointed not to be immediately kicked in the jaws with an unleashed explosion of aggressive, spicy heat upon contact. Then I put some on the tip of my tongue.
I am now in tears.
Today on my way to class, I spectated on the giant crowd of people bombarding the sidewalk outside of Chipotle for their “Free Burritos” promo on account of their grand opening. The line, much like that for Panchero’s $1 burrito day (Chipotle 1-upped you, Panchero’s), filled the entire sidewalk for at least two blocks, and it has stayed that way for the entire afternoon. During events like these, I always try to see who got first in line. I imagine it was someone with a gun, or a knife, but I couldn’t really see.
Another thing that crosses my mind about campaigns like these is where the hell are the homeless people? I studied the line for a solid minute from my table in The House of Aromas which is located directly across the street, and I did not spot one single homeless person in the entire flock. It’s free food: what could possibly be prioritizing over a free burrito the size of an infant when you can’t even afford the cardboard you’re writing on? Unless the lice you have are paying rent, you should be jumping at the chance to nab free grub when the opportunity arises. There are literally three different “bum camps” in Iowa City where entire communities of bums hang out on a daily basis. Where are they during events like these?
In fact, there was a homeless man sitting directly outside the window of my table, exhibiting no interest whatsoever in attaining a completely free ostrich egg-sized burrito. He was just deliriously sitting on his ass with a sign that simply said “Smile,” and was chatting with a grossly overweight Caucasian female that distinctly resembled a lesser attractive version of Miss Piggy. I also noted that Piggy was wearing just socks, no shoes, and that her toenails were so long that they were creating long, pointed tips through the toe of her socks. I was mortified by this. Still, I was more bewildered by the fact that the hobo was not lunging at the opportunity to harvest a Chipotle burrito for no cost than I was that Fat Girl had talons for toe nails that could slaughter a milk cow in one quick stroke.
As for this homeless guy’s sign, what the H. “Smile?” Why, so you can envy my full set of teeth? Perhaps he hadn’t caught on to the “help a war veteran out” and “traveling with family; anything will help” trend that crowd is practicing these days. I fooled around with the idea of holding my own sign up against the window for him to see that read, “hey retard: free food across the street: jump on it,” but I had neither cardboard nor a Sharpie at my disposal.
Today I watched some chick exit her bathroom stall and immediately exit the restroom without so much as acknowledging the sink and automatic soap dispenser located directly next to it. This is daunting behavior to me. Unless you are drunk, camping, are about to miss your flight, or are twenty minutes late to your grandmother’s funeral, there is no legitimate reason to vote not to wash your hands after using the bathroom.
Germs are not imaginary, and germs put aside, it’s socially unacceptable to skip the simple practices of hygiene that people have formed as “standard” in this day and age. It really baffles me when a person doesn’t wash their hands in front of people, though. Like, I just saw you. I just saw you pretend there was no sink provided for you and walk directly out the door with your tainted hands. It’s bothersome behavior. That is all.
“Why is there a blimp out there?”
“IT’S THE FUCKING GAME!”