Got Milk?

3 Feb

Greetings, friends. Friends…and foes. Although normally I do not greet my foes…I greet hoes from time to time, however. Depends on if I’m feelin squirrely or not.

Moving right along:

Things that are currently going on in my life as of now include a neverending milk-spilling phenomena whose cause is unbeknownst to me, and also a lot of Halloween activiti (ac-TIV-i-tye). More on that later.

So, in past three executive days, I have successfully managed to spill every glass of milk that I have poured for myself. (P.S. the position of this keyboard is giving me carpel tunnel). On Monday night, I knocked my milk off the edge of my bed while watching Bad Santa (sweet movie, by the way. I can’t cease from laughing hysterically). Angry and still thirsty, I pour myself a second glass to wash down my toast. I knock it over within minutes, again. I am very angry at this point. The next day, I’m microwaving a bowl of Spaghetti-O’s and pouring myself another glass of milk. The timer went off on the microwave, so I went to open it up, thus hitting my cup of milk and knocking it over. Again. Wow. This was no minor droplet of milk issue, either. This was like a milk monsoon–I drowned everything on the counter; Hamburger Helper boxes, paper towels, Gushers–it ran down the wall all over the floor and leaked from under the table–it was insane. Later that night, I had a glass of milk sitting on the SAME counter where I was toasting some bread for a little late-night snack of sorts when BOOM, I don’t even know what happened that time, but I spilled it ALL over the counter and under the microwave again and onto the floor for the second time. Now I am currently seated at my computer (go figure), where not even ten minutes ago I spilled yet another glass of milk all over my computer area. This dorm is going to smell of rotting dairy product in no time. I’m less than pleased. Not only is it making my living area sticky and rank smelling, but now my chemistry book’s pages are sticking together and I can no longer read my notes (in pencil) from Spanish. Unbelieveable.

Anywho, tonight I am engaging in a Halloween themed kegger. Of course, you can expect 80% of the guys to dress up as either a pimp or Hugh Hefner (one F or two? Who knows)–real original guys, and the girls will all be sluts. People find ways to turning things as innocent as bunnies and mice into cock sucking road whores in no time. I’m disgusted. Anyway, Kehly, Amy and I refuse to join the bang-me gang, and have decided to dress up as newborn infant babies. Oh yes, we purchased Depends (that was awkward), pacifiers, bibs, and bottles, and we’re going to rock them like..well..babies. I’m really looking forward to filling my baby bottle with beer. YES! That is all.

“Oh, good.”

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