3 Feb

I’ve developed this unusual routine lately where I wake up at ungodly hours of the morn such as this (7:38 a.m.) every morning for the past week or so, convinced that it’s well past noon, only to find out that I’m sorely mistaken. I am wide awake right now and very displeased. It doesn’t help that I’m convinced I contracted some sort of air borne disease from Ames that’s making my lungs decompose and my sinuses flare. Once again, breathing is on the brink of impossible, and I’ve already coughed up one of my lungs due to my failing respiratory system.

I’m perishing.

Meanwhile, being wide awake at the break of dawn means only one thing: Facebook until I’m compelled to return to bed again. On the way to my computer I rocked my leg in a trash can and lost some flesh. Not phased. I log on, and notice a new friend request. A “Justin Watkins” with a Ford four by four as his profile picture and no other information listed whatsoever has requested my friendship.

I hope this man is kidding.

I will not, I repeat not accept any person who has a vehicle, especially a truck, an animal they shot while hunting, or a Pokemon character as their profile picture. You’ve got to be kidding me. Why don’t you just put “being a redneck fag” in your favorite activities next to “hoe downs” and “pheasant hunting,” loser.

Some people.


“Someone shit in the lockeeeeer!!!”


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