Con Artist 101.

3 Feb


I have a growing pain in my left thigh strong enough to kill a man. It’s horrific! I don’t know what to doooooo!!!!

Anyway, last night was a hit. I didn’t get completely obliterated, contrary to my reputation. They played the Tonto at Vito’s, meaning Kehly and I were very, very excited. And I think that last night was the first night that Rachael and I came back with more cash than we left with. CASH, money. How you might ask? Panhandling. Jump on it.

Last night I returned to my dorm and instead of microwaving a frozen burrito like normal people, I fried up a big batch of french toast and eggs. A little unorthodox for drunk food, but sometimes I like to break out of the routine, you know, think outside the box. I seriously cooked the mother load though. I don’t know what I was thinking. I woke up this morning smelling distinctly of maple syrup. I’m not sure if I was pleased or displeased.

My brother and I were talking about animals the other day when I posed a question: What makes some animals flee in a panic when approached, such as a rabbit, when other animals, like cows, just stand there and be stupid? My brother then posed an abstract but thoughtful question: “What ARE cows?” If you think about it, it’s an interesting thought. Like, deer freak out and run away like a frightened antelope if you even get near one. They seem like wild animals. Cows are just big, stupid creatures that stand around and chew grass. What was their purpose in the wild? It’s like someone just found a bunch of cows in a field and built a fence around them. “Welp….we caught ’em.” Ha. Oh…Oh my.

Meanwhile, I’m off to my bio lab where I will sit and do nothing and marinate in my hang over.

“Can I just have ONE dollar?”

I just bit my tongue.


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