Carbs For Life.

3 Feb
BREAKING NEWS: I am starving.

And don’t think for one second that a Spaghettios and toast sandwich is not on the menu, because it is.

Oh, it is alright.

The only thing that will keep me from enjoying my Spaghettios meal is our faulty can opener. That thing pisses me off. It takes far too long to get it to work. The only thing worse than having a crappy can opener is having TWO crappy can openers.

And that’s what I’ve got.

Freakin Spaghettios…my diet is anything but balanced. Screw the Atkin’s Diet. All I eat are carbs. Pasta and bread, with the exception of beer, are the only edibles that enter my digestive system on an average day. My main food groups consist of toast, Spaghettios, pasta, granola bars, beer, and microwavable burritos. And unless beer is a protein, I think I’m missing the entire fruit group, meats group AND vegetable group in there.

Oh well.

I’m not feeling 100% ship-shape today, mates. I think a flu-like illness has hit me all at once like a freight train might to a damsel in distress. Actually, no, I feel like I’ve been reading a fine-print novel in a car all day long, and I assure you only half of that is true.

I don’t know what that last comment meant. Take it as you will.

My friend Kathleen Scarlett Johansen Margaret McDermott texted me today to inform me that she had just seen a Gothic female midget, or “dwarf.” You know, “little person.” Anyway, I didn’t know midgets came like that. She’s a part of like seven minorities.

She’s doing it on purpose.

What I mean is, she’s being a midget on purpose just to be unique.

I’m going to hell.

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