Anna Nicole “Smithed.”

3 Feb

That word is “smithed” as in “SMY-ted,” as in “smote,” you illiterate fools. Not past-tense of Alex “Smith.”

Right now I’m wearing very festive Christmas pants that say HoHoHo all over them, because a) I am one, and b) So is Kehly, due to the fact that I am fresh out of clean clothes. I’m not concerned. Yet.

I’m in the midst of a Kellogg’s Special K Red Berries binge right now on account of my lack of ability to deal with my emotions–I mean Anna Nicole Smith DIED after all; what do you EXPECT me to do?!

So…Anna Nicole Smith…found unconscious in a Miami hotel, pronounced dead at a nearby hospital, cause of death “unknown.” I think the term “unknown” is as good as “violent drug overdose,” so I’m gonna go ahead and just accept that. Probably some pain killer or another, I’ll put my money where my mouth is. Much like Paris Hilton, I still don’t know what Anna Nicole Smith is famous for. All she did was gain weight, lose weight, and marry an old guy all while acting anything but socially acceptable. I’ve been doing this my whole life, minus marrying the old guy part (unless you consider Justin Timberlake as “old”–I mean he does have a solid 5 years on me; that’s for you to decide) and what have I got to show for it? Nothing. Nothing but AIDS. That’s another story.

Anyway, God bless her soul.

….Trim Spa, baby.

Speaking of Paris Hilton, what has she ever done, besides other people?

Whore.

I was thinking about my elementary days today, and I recalled when we had to draw pictures for whatever reason in class. First of all, mine were always better than everyone else’s (unless they begged me to draw theirs for them which I often did because their own drawings made me angry on account of how horrible they were). Second, I could never understand why people couldn’t draw a decent portrayal of a human or a simple dog. On to what I was going to talk about though. Did you ever notice how kids cannot understand the concept of the sky? Actually, you probably were one of those kids. They could not, to save their life, draw a normal sky. Sounds simple enough: it’s blue and has no shape. Not according to these kids. The sky looked like this:

I actually looked that up on Google and found exactly what I was looking for in seconds. That’s what I’m talking about. The sky doesn’t reach the ground at the horizon. Oh no. It’s a chunk at the top of the paper. There’s the predictable sun, too. It’s never a round circle in the sky–it’s always peeking out of the corner of the paper. I’m surprised this kid didn’t draw a smiley face on it like everyone else usually did. Obviously this child is a complete retard. First of all, what is even going on in that picture? Oh look; there’s a butterfly in the stratosphere, where they’re normally found—right along side airplanes. Oh–and it’s the same size as one of the cars. I love how the road is sticking up like a flag from the ground, too. Not to mention the grass is half as tall as the door. I think this child will grow up to be an engineer.

Anyway, I’m in the ITC again. I’m about to do some serious studying as a continuation of last night. I’m slightly flustered because I had to purchase a fruit punch Powerade instead of Gatorade because they were out, and I don’t trust any of that grape or arctic chill shiv. It was the “next best thing,” but it’s far too sugary for my liking. I’m disappointed.

__________________________________________________________________

“He’s been drinking. You’ve been drinking, haven’t you.”

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